tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33047821046372456702024-02-08T01:26:41.087-05:00Lost in HimA woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.comBlogger178125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-39438031694103784492012-02-01T20:51:00.002-05:002012-02-03T14:17:37.331-05:00Way to go Susan G. Komen *Update*<span class="text Luke-1-39">Now Mary arose in those days and went into the hill country with haste, to a city of Judah, </span><span class="text Luke-1-40" id="en-NKJV-24934">and entered the house of Zacharias and greeted Elizabeth. </span><span class="text Luke-1-41" id="en-NKJV-24935">And it happened, when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, that <i>the babe leaped in her womb</i>; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. </span><span class="text Luke-1-42" id="en-NKJV-24936">Then she spoke out with a loud voice and said, “Blessed <i>are</i> you among women, and blessed <i>is</i> the fruit of your womb! </span><span class="text Luke-1-43" id="en-NKJV-24937">But why <i>is</i> this <i>granted</i> to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?</span><span class="text Luke-1-44" id="en-NKJV-24938"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>For indeed, as soon as the voice of your greeting sounded in my ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy. </span><span class="text Luke-1-45" id="en-NKJV-24939">Blessed <i>is</i> she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.” Luke 1:39-45</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-1-45" id="en-NKJV-24939">Life, according to <a href="http://dictionary.com/">dictionary.com</a>, is </span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">condition</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">that</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">distinguishes</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">organisms</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">from</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">inorganic</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">objects</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">and</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">dead</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">organisms,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">being</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">manifested</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">by</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">growth</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">through</span> </span><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/metabolism"></a><span id="hotword">metabolism, <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">reproduction,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">and</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">power</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">adaptation</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">to</span> environment </span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">through</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">changes</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">originating</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">internally. It would seem, that according to that definition, that a newly formed baby, in its mother's uterus, would qualify as life. I think it is life from the moment sperm and egg meet. I do understand that not everyone agrees with me. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">I often think back to the scripture that I shared, Luke 1:39-45. Many times I have heard the argument that the fetus is just a fetus and that it isn't really who it is meant to be until it is born. But the passage in Luke shows me that that's not true. John the Baptist leapt in his mother's womb when he heard Mary's voice. He had been hearing other voices but it wasn't until he heard the voice of the one who also carried Jesus in her womb that he leapt. John the Baptist was who he was meant to be even as a 6-month-old fetus. And Jesus was who He was meant to be as an even younger fetus. They were alive, they were human, they were babies, they were Jesus and John, even from the very beginning. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">But I cannot stomach the thought of all the babies that have to die every year because so many people disagree with me. It makes me sad that people think life is expendable. </span></span><br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">So often I hear, "I would never have an abortion, but it's not my place to tell someone else they can't have one." But we do that, every day. We have laws that make it a crime to kill people, even unintentionally. If you are driving one day and you look away for a moment and then hit someone and kill them, you are charged with a crime, vehicular homicide.</span></span><br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">Involuntary manslaughter is also a crime. Students who participate in hazing rituals can be charged with manslaughter if the person they are hazing accidentally dies. </span></span><br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">No one ever thinks it is wrong to punish people who perpetrate these crimes. Why? Because it is a commonly held belief that to end another person's life is wrong.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">I don't see the difference when it comes to abortion. If left alone, pregnancies will continue and a baby will eventually be born. There are some that end in miscarriage, but there are people who die natural causes every day, too. </span></span><br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"></span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">I was very pleased to read that the <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57370002-503544/susan-g-komen-denies-political-motivation-in-planned-parenthood-decision/">Susan G. Komen</a> foundation had decided to stop sending money to Planned Parenthood. SGK is stating it was not for political reasons, and I have no reason to doubt that, but it doesn't matter to me either way. The bottom line is that they will not be sending more money to PP. Planned Parenthood claims to be in the healthcare business. While I do believe they provide many services to many women, especially women who have no (or little) insurance, I believe their main business is making money. And the number one way they make money is by providing abortions. I do not believe that any money that comes from taxpayers should go to a business that provides abortions. I wish that the government thought that way as well, but for now, it doesn't. </span></span><br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">But, I am all for a private company deciding on their own to stop funding PP. So my hat's off to Susan G. Komen.</span></span><br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">I do want to add one thing that I am furious over. I have seen a lot of people that have blasted SGK and are saying they will never again support the foundation. I saw this statement on Facebook, "</span></span><span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">I am so furious about this. PP is the only access to healthcare many underserved women have. I wrote to them this morning. So disgusting." And many comments were made that said that this will hurt women. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">And it's so preposterous! I did some research. I only picked a few states, but I checked on how many PPs there were in these states and I checked on how many <a href="http://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/Search_HCC.aspx?byCounty=1&unbrand=">health clinics</a> (funded by the governement) there were and found that it doesn't even come close. PP/HC for these states: Alabama 2/154, Arizona 13/131, Arkansas 2/76, California 116/1022, North Carolina 9/171, Pennsylvania 41/234, New York 68/442, Hawaii 3/76, Wisconsin 27/86.</span><br />
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">Wow! I just don't see that women will not have access to healthcare if PP doesn't get funding. Now, of course, I don't know if any of these clinics get funding from SGK. I am making an assumption that SGK will still be funding breast cancer screenings and mammograms at all kinds of clinics around the country, just not PP. So even if PP were to have to shut all its doors (which it doesn't, it still gets funding from other sources and makes a profit), women would still have access to healthcare. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">It's not an issue of healthcare, it's about abortion. No matter how everyone tries to package it, it still comes back to abortion. PP is in the business of providing abortions and they make money doing so. Therefore PP wants to make sure that everyone who is pro-choice supports their business. So they use the strawman argument. If they can get people to believe that they are the #1 provider of women's healthcare, and that if they are defunded women don't get healthcare, then they win. But it's not true.</span><br />
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">Women will still have access to healthcare even if every PP shut down. I would prefer the government (and everyone who gives money to PP) take all monies going to PP and shift them to the health clinics. I want uninsured women to be able to be treated. I just prefer they be treated in a place that doesn't also perform abortions.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">*Update*</span><br />
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">It sounds as if SGK is bending to the pro-choice pressure they have gotten since they made the announcement to defunded PP. I am not thrilled by it, but they caved to the pressure in the first place to defund, so I am not surprised they have caved again. That said, I was never a supporter anyway just because I don't have much $$ to give and when I do give, it goes to my church and missionaries. However, I will not boycott SGK because I don't boycott. I think this is a classic example of why it doesn't work. This country has become so divided on most issues that there is almost a 50-50 split on any given issue. So you'll get pressure from either side. As a business, you just need to know what your values are and stick to them no matter what. No good comes of flip-flopping. <br />
I will watch this and see how it turns out. No matter what, I will always be opposed to abortion, always. And I will always support the funding of clinics that provide healthcare for the uninsured, as long as they do not perform abortions. </span>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-79553616671070501942012-01-29T14:07:00.000-05:002012-01-29T14:07:08.966-05:00I'm in Marvelous Light!Well, it appears as if God thinks I can't take a hint. He sure keeps telling me the same thing over and over again.<br />
<br />
This time He was telling me through the sermon at church this morning. I love to listen to our pastor preach the sermon. For the last year or so, we've been going line through line through the book of Ephesians. I love that Pastor Paul teaches us directly from the Bible. He doesn't add to it. And he always cautions us not to add to it. But he also tells us that we are to test it, not the Bible, but his sermon. He lets us know that he is only human and that it is our responsibility to read the Bible and make sure that what he is preaching is biblical. That is awesome! And I also love how Pastor Paul is faithful to bring the message that God has for all of us.<br />
I find it interesting how God uses the message to reach people, often reaching people that the pastor may not have realized.<br />
<br />
That's what happened to me today. I took away something from the message that I don't think Pastor Paul intended, but God intended for me to get it.<br />
The sermon was "A Different Walk" on Ephesians 4:17-24. The verse that really stuck out for me was v17 <i>...that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk...</i> There's been a theme on my blog since I started writing again, the idea that the world is different and that I am trying to figure out what that means to me. I've been too concerned with how the world views me. And obviously I needed a big wake-up call, a 2X4 to the head is more like it.<br />
<br />
Pastor Paul always gives us sermon notes, and I'm following along, listening intently (after all, God was speaking right to me this morning) and I read this bit, "Why do we have to be different? <i>Because we are different!</i>" It was like Pastor Paul had read my blog. I've been feeling so out of step with the world and feeling different, and like I didn't belong. Well, dang, it's because I don't belong.<br />
Light bulb moment!!!! I am no longer part of the worldly part of this world. Peter says, "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9<br />
<br />
I just need to keep reminding myself (or just listen to God who keeps reminding me) that I am a new creation, I have a new heart, my new nature is calling me out of the sinful one, I need to strip off my old coat- let the Holy Spirit peel back layer after layer of sin to let the new me through. I should not imitate my dead self, the sinful self, I should reflect my inner self which is filled with the Holy Spirit.<br />
<br />
And if it takes God reminding me every day, if it takes writing it in my blog every day, I am going to keep trying. Every day.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-27781283180896577822012-01-28T15:43:00.000-05:002012-01-28T15:43:26.425-05:00ContinuationWell, God keeps telling me to keep my eyes on Him and then it will stop being so important what the world thinks of me.<br />
In my Bible reading, I came across a section I needed so much now.<br />
James 4:4-10 <i><span class="verse-num" id="v59004004-1"></span>You adulterous people!<span class="footnote"></span> Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.<span class="verse-num" id="v59004005-1"> </span>Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?<span class="verse-num" id="v59004006-1"> </span>But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”<span class="verse-num" id="v59004007-1"> </span>Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. <span class="verse-num" id="v59004008-1"></span><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/2Ch15.2%3BLm3.57%3BZc1.3%3BMal3.7%3BLk15.20/" title="2 Chr. 15:2; Lam. 3:57; Zech. 1:3; Mal. 3:7; [Luke 15:20]"></a>Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. <span class="verse-num" id="v59004009-1"></span>Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. <span class="verse-num" id="v59004010-1"></span>Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.</i><br />
<br />
I have still been reading online, not as much, but what I am reading isn't bothering me like it was. I am doing my best to draw near to God, and as He promises, He is drawing nearer to me. I can feel His presence.<br />
<i> </i><br />
It is in times like these I realize that I shouldn't try to do it alone. It is only by God that I can do what I need to do. He carries me.<br />
Thank you Father.<br />
<br />
That reminds me of a chorus we sing at church:<br />
Thank you oh my Father, for giving us Your Son. And leaving Your Spirit til the work on earth is done.<br />
<br />
Again, I can only do it because He is with me.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-76998873364265913922012-01-24T15:31:00.001-05:002012-01-24T15:37:49.315-05:00Seeing things through the right eyesI've been feeling a bit down about my life.<br />
<br />
Wait, no, that's not quite right. I've been feeling down that there are people who think I am a whack-a-doo when I don't think I am. Or am I? Or at least, I've been wondering if maybe I'm missing something and I really am a whack-a-doo.<br />
<br />
I spend too much time online. I also care too much what other people think about me.<br />
Case in point:<br />
I get worked up when I read about people who aren't Christian and think I'm doing it all wrong. Well, not so much they think I'm doing it all wrong, but primarily that they disagree with homeschooling and the Bible. It bothers me, even though I know it shouldn't, that people think that I am stupid. I read a lot of stuff online and I see places where people get together and bash Christians. Not all Christians, but ones like me. Ones that believe in a literal Bible; ones that teach their children to believe it, too; ones that believe that God created the world in 6 literal days; ones that believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven; ones that believe that people who don't believe that Jesus was God's only son will go to hell; ones that believe that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin; ones that believe, okay, I could go on and on, but I've made my point. Often the people talking will talk about how fundies (as they call Christians like me) are stupid, repressed, deluded, brainless, etc. The thoughts that we have no intelligence because we believe in creationism is what really sends me over the edge.<br />
<br />
Logically, I know it doesn't matter at all what they think, but unfortunately, my heart hurts when I read it. And again, logic would say just don't read it. But it's like a sickness and I just can't stay away.<br />
<br />
It got so bad recently that I started thinking maybe there was something I was missing. Maybe....<br />
<br />
You know, sometimes the world feels good and right. I want to believe what I hear. I want to say it's okay for people to love who they want to love and live how they want to live. I mean, it breaks my heart when I hear about how people are discriminated against because they are gay, or black, or Muslim, or Arab, or, or, or whatever. And I agree that discrimination is wrong. And even worse when it turns to violence. It makes me so very sad. And I want to protect everyone.<br />
<br />
It sounds right to say that we shouldn't say it's wrong to love someone just because they happen to be the same sex as you. It feels right to say that we should love everyone and welcome them and take care of them no matter what. (and we should do that part) <br />
<br />
So I felt like maybe I was missing something, maybe God wanted for me to be open and accepting and not teach my kids that the Bible is the be all end all. That maybe being good and kind and loving is enough. And I wondered why they saw it differently than I did. How did they not see it my way if indeed my way is the right way, the true way, God's way? (not that I always get it 100% right)<br />
<br />
Then God showed up. In a big way. I was reading in Corinthians and the Spirit started glowing all over the place. Listen to this: <i>"But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.... but the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can they know them, because they are spiritually discerned.... But we (*</i>the believer<i>) have the mind of Christ."</i> taken from 1 Corinthians 2:10-16 (*added by me)<br />
<br />
So what this says to me is that they don't understand, they don't get it because they don't have the Holy Spirit. So how would they be able to understand where I'm coming from? They can't. So they will never understand it, never think I'm right, unless they become a believer, unless they allow themselves to become open to the Spirit.<br />
And so I'm not doing it wrong. Well, I'm sure there are some things I'm doing wrong, but because I am looking at God, and trying to live the way He wants me to, He will take care of the things I'm doing wrong in the right way and time.<br />
So somehow, I have got to let go of the concern about the rest of the world. I need to remember that it is only God I need to be pleasing. And if I am pleasing Him, the rest won't matter.<br />
And one of the ways to keep pleasing Him is to keep reading the Bible every day. When I do, I find that it's easier to remember that it's Him I should be concerned about, it's His ways that I should be striving towards, it's His approval I should be seeking.<br />
<br />
I'm going to keep making this mistake. I know that it's something that still has a grip on me. But I know where to look for help. And I know He won't ever let me down.<br />
<br />
<br />
**I just remembered that I wrote a post very similar to this only 3 weeks ago. H'uh. Still haven't learned this lesson yet it seems. I keep talking a big talk but I keep falling right back into the same place. I hope, I pray that this time things will be better. It's pretty sad that it took less than 3 weeks for me to forget that I wasn't going to worry about what the world thinks about me. But, the one thing I hope I learned this time was to keep in the Bible. I had gotten out of my daily routine of reading every day. In fact, I had slipped into reading only once a week. Maybe this time, keeping the word in my daily life will be just what I need to learn this lesson. This is a lesson I will learn eventually. I will get there. I will. But only because I have God.**Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-33505423071908245122012-01-22T00:24:00.004-05:002012-01-22T00:30:46.702-05:00MigrainesMigraines suck. That's all.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Okay, well, anyone who knows me knows that is not all. Can't just write 4 words and call it a night.<br />
But I don't want to type. I just typed this morning. But I went to bed at 9 and got the worst of the migraine pain over. So now it's almost midnight and I woke up hungry and I hate to waste a perfectly quiet house.<br />
<br />
I love journaling. That's what I think of this as, not blogging. Blogging seems like something professional writers do and get paid lots of money for. Their blogs all decked out with lots of links and colorful ads and posts that have a clear message, with a beginning, middle, and end, and they all three go together. Yeah, that would not be this blog.<br />
<br />
But I like to write out my thoughts. It was something drilled into me by Ms. Simpson and Ms. Myers way back all those years ago in high school. They were my English and Creative Writing teachers. I had Ms. Simpson for 9th and 11th grade Honors English, and Ms. Myers for 10th grade Honors English, 10th and 11th Creative Writing, and 12th grade AP English. Boy, would they be shaking their heads now. Maybe. Maybe not. Or probably. Because they were both very, very liberal. And I don't think we'd agree on much now. But they did teach me a lot.<br />
<br />
I was always a reader. I cannot remember when I didn't have my nose pressed in a book. I do remember being told to "put that book down and go play!" I lived in a fantasy world of books. They spoke to me. I listened and spoke back. I imagined that I lived in the pages, that at any moment someone would turn the page and my next adventure would start. I imagined I was a long lost Russian czarina missing since she was a tiny baby, her parents desperately trying to find her. I was a twin, separated from my sister and one day we ran into each other at the store. I was the homecoming queen, a cheerleader, an opera singer, a ballerina, a world famous pianist, a softball star, a time traveler. I was every character I ever read about, and all the ones I could only imagine. I started inventing my own stories; I started my own great American novel at least 20 times. I would act out the stories in my room. Every trip to the store or doctor's office was a chance to add another chapter in my head. And the books didn't have to be masterpieces. Any book that told a story, that allowed me to be caught up in the telling of it, that was a book good enough for me.<br />
<br />
My mother would take me and my brothers to the library on Saturday. She would drop us at the front door and arrange to meet us in an hour. She and I and my brothers would spread out in 4 different directions like arms of a compass. I would head straight for the fiction. I would pick out however many books you were allowed to check out at once and then get one more. I would see how long each book was and then start to read the shortest one. It was a sad, sad day when I couldn't finish and had to decide which book to leave. Parting with one book was torture. Finishing one was worse. It meant I was done with my life, my friends, that story.<br />
Even now, I just close my eyes and I can feel and smell and hear the books, the smooth pages, the older pages, the musty smell, the sound of a new spine cracking open, the sound of the pages turning, the crinkle of cellophane, the give of paperback, or the stiffness of hard cover. I can also vividly recall the day I came home only to remember I had left a book outside on the patio and our puppies had not realized its worth. That was a tough day.<br />
I never have trouble in a library or bookstore. Or at least, the only trouble I have is how to not take all the books with me.<br />
<br />
And so in the process, I have developed my own language, the language of books. There are words I don't remember learning but I know them. I've never looked them up in a dictionary but I can see them and know what they mean and use them properly. But imagine my surprise and embarrassment when quite often I cannot pronounce them. <br />
But I have been given the gift of words. I love words, they are beautiful. They tell us when to laugh, to cry, to get angry, to forgive, to love, to let go, to feel. I feel blessed that I can use them as I can. But I can also recognize mastery in others. I cannot tell a story. I meander around, take the road less traveled, and rarely get back on point. I start out telling one story and end with another sometimes forgetting that I started it aloud or in a place where others could see, and not just in my head. I can follow all the twists and turns, and so I love my meanderings. But it doesn't always lead to others being able to find their way. It can be confusing and distracting. But it's me, and it's beautiful and powerful, and necessary for me.<br />
And I love it. <br />
<br />
And so I find it comforting, even with my head pounding a bit, to sit here in this quiet house and let the words flow. It's something I've been missing. An old friend who I forgot all about.<br />
Had I not gotten this migraine, I would have sat at the computer tonight, watching some show or movie, I would have been knitting, and sometimes reading what someone else wrote on facebook or another blog. But that's not what happened tonight. Tonight I got another migraine, and for once I am glad.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-20223315791540104822012-01-21T10:22:00.003-05:002012-01-21T12:20:48.143-05:00Depression<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #666666;">Depression. Webster's dictionary defines it as (1) : a state of feeling sad : </span><a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dejection" style="color: #666666;">dejection</a><span style="color: #666666;"> (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies. </span></span><br />
<br />
I've never considered myself depressed. Well, at least I didn't used to. I just never realized that people could truly be happy. I don't know how much of this is related to just my personality, or genetics, or my childhood. But I never really felt an overall sense of happiness in my life.<br />
<br />
Even as a child I just moved from moment to moment, enjoying myself somewhat, but never with the glee I've seen from other people. When asked what is my favorite childhood memory, I can't really answer. I can tell you about my childhood, I can tell you about traumatic memories, I can tell you about general memories, but I can't tell you about happy ones. When I remember things that should have been happy memories, I can remember the moment, but I can't remember feeling joy in those moments. <br />
<br />
But to be completely honest, I don't really have the greatest memory anyway. I can't tell you how many times one of my brothers will talk about something from the past and I have no memory of it. And now that I've gotten back in touch with old high school friends (thanks to facebook) I'm amazed at how many things they remember that I just can't recall.<br />
<br />
Maybe I just have a faulty memory, or maybe it's that there wasn't much good to remember.<br />
<br />
But I can't blame it on a terrible childhood. In some ways, yes, I didn't have the idyllic childhood. My parents separated when I was 2. My father was present in my life but he won't ever win any father of the year awards, at least not from me. And I don't have a lot of warm fuzzy memories of him from when I was little. But I don't have that many of my life with my mom either, and she does deserve a mom of the year award. So it's just a terrible memory on my part.<br />
<br />
<br />
Or maybe it's that I was depressed even back then. <br />
<br />
<br />
Once, several years ago, I saw a commercial for an allergy medicine. It showed people going about their lives with a film over everything. And when they took the medicine, the film was stripped away and everything was clear. <br />
<br />
A light bulb went off for me when I saw that commercial. I realized that that's what I felt like. It's like there's always been a film over my life. Always. <br />
<br />
Then someone told me about dysthymia. It fits me perfectly, especially this: "in general, you may find it hard to be upbeat even on happy occasions." To be fair, I haven't been diagnosed with this. I don't particularly like going to doctors. But there is no doubt in my mind that this is what I have.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I've been on medication for my depression before, and it helped. And I have no doubt that if I went to a doctor now, I would only have to ask for medication and I would get it. But I don't want to. I want to be able to handle it myself. <br />
<br />
<br />
Heh, I just read what I typed and realized something. I'm not approaching this the right way. What I really should have said is that I want to handle this with God's help. Or, even better, I want God to handle this. <br />
<br />
<i>Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.</i><br />
<br />
I can't do it alone. I can try everything possible but without God's help, I can't do it.<br />
<br />
I did however come to realize that the only way I do ever start feeling better is by spending more time with Him. It's so hard to see that when I am in a very bad cycle of depression, but when I actively read my Bible, pray, spend time with other believers, the dark doesn't overwhelm me like it can. There is more light when I am spending time with Jesus. Which, hey, truly just makes sense. He tells us all about it. <br />
<br />
<i>Psalm 48:14 For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.<br />
<br />
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you;he will never let the righteous fall.<br />
<br />
Psalm 71:20-21 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.<br />
<br />
Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. <br />
<br />
Psalm 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. <br />
<br />
Nahum 1:7 The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I mean, look at that! Do you see how many scriptures I found in just a short time? And there are so many more. When I am reading the Bible, it is easier to see these. When I am allowing this world to win, I close my eyes and my heart and I don't see these wonderful promises that God has given me in His word. <br />
<br />
I'm not trying to oversimplify it. I know the benefit of medication. And I believe that God blessed me with medication in the past. And I know that there are times when it is necessary, and it's what God uses to help people. I just know that I hate taking it. And I want to do it without having to take it. And I know that there is no way I can do it without God. I can't. I've tried. And all that happens is that I stay in a state of "sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies." <br />
<br />
<br />
That won't do. I don't like living like that. And I don't have to. With God on my side, I can do all things. Nothing is impossible with His help. But that doesn't mean I just do what I want and He cleans up after me. I have to do my part. Whenever I look back at the hard times, the times I felt the most underwater, it was those times I wasn't spending time with Him. The times that I glory in His presence, those are the times that no matter what is going on, I can handle it. I can get through, I can find some joy. <br />
<br />
Maybe I won't ever feel like that film is completely off of my life, at least not this side of heaven. But when I let Him in, when I spend time with Him, then it is so much brighter, life is so much sweeter, everything is so much happier. There, I said it, happier. God makes me happier. <br />
<br />
Thank you Lord, for making me happier. And please help me stay that way.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">PS, Is it obvious that I'm in one of my better cycles right now? I've been reading my Bible every day, worshipping more, praying more, spending more time with Jesus. I guess it makes sense that I am happier right now. </span> <br />
<span class="ssens"> <span class="break"> </span></span>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-42584509917240748452012-01-01T19:14:00.005-05:002012-01-21T10:39:59.576-05:00DisclosureI am Lisa; a human, a Christian, a wife, a mother, and I'm sure many other things. I am done trying to be a people pleaser; I am done censoring myself; I am done worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. I refuse to apologize for who I am and what I believe. I am me; take me or leave me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I have been reading things online recently about the ATI/QF movements and it's made me do a lot of searching in my heart. On the surface, I often agree with some of the tenets of the movement, but when I dig a little deeper, there is a lot to disdain. But I do not know enough about it at all, and my post isn't really about that.<br />
Through the course of my readings, I have also come across those who have been hurt by the movement. I have seen people who have completely turned their backs on God because of the hurt, I have seen others who have turned their backs on the movement but still trust God.<br />
And then there are some who still believe in God but have wholeheartedly turned against <i>anything</i> that even remotely resembles the movement, even when those things may not be even slightly hurtful.<br />
<br />
Okay, it sounds as if I am talking in riddles. I do not mean to. I read a blog today written by <a href="http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/2011/11/dangerous-mix-of-religion-and-education.html">a man</a> that was hurt by the ATI/QF movement and in the process has an issue with all kinds of things now, including any form of religious homeschooling.<br />
So, yeah, I read that and got a little upset, and defensive.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking about why, why did I get so upset, so defensive? And part of it is because he's right. (he's wrong, too) Some people, some Christians <b>are</b> just parroting back what they hear and read. Some just try to do what they think they are supposed to do without ever once thinking about why, or (gasp) reading the Bible and finding out what they really should be doing.<br />
<br />
I've done it. I've been that person who just did what I was told without thinking about why. But I'm not that person anymore. I'm not even the person who started this blog. As a thinking human being, I change. There are things I've written on this blog that I don't agree with anymore. I have been so many different people in my life, and I don't think that I am the person now that I will be when I'm 80.<br />
I've been a Christian for almost my whole life. I believe completely, 100%, that I was saved as a child. I always believed and had a relationship with Jesus. But it's changed over the years. I've been a Southern Baptist, a Methodist, a (can't think of the word but I believed once that maybe Jesus wasn't the only way to heaven, maybe Buddha, maybe Gandhi, maybe Mohammed, maybe anyone else was right, too), a Pentecostal, a Charismatic, and probably a lot of other people along the way. And now I've settled into just a plain old woman who believes that Jesus is my Savior, that He is the only way to heaven, and that He guides us through His word.<br />
<br />
I also believe that there will be many different Christians in heaven. In my walk with Christ, I have been a very judgmental and self-righteous follower. As I have grown in my faith, I have tended to look down on those who weren't where I was spiritually. You know the type: I don't do XYZ so I am a better Christian than ________; and I do XYZ, and so-and-so doesn't so maybe they aren't really a Christian.<br />
Yep, been there, done that. And not all that long ago in some cases. And really, still working on not being that person again.<br />
<br />
<br />
Okay, so I was <i>that</i> person. I was self-righteous and judgmental. But I changed. Because I am not some fundamental robot that only takes in the words of others, and because I am always trying to draw closer to Jesus, I <i>changed. </i>And I have come to a place where I realize that not every Christian believes the same things I do, that not every Christian is in the same place as I am. And that there doesn't have to be a wrong or a right. Now, don't get me wrong, there are some things that can only be one way, that are either right or wrong. I will not try to make a list because I would surely not make it perfect but I do believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven. I believe that unless a person has a personal relationship with Him, they are not a Christian. Just believing in God, just being a good person, just being spiritual, just saying you are a Christian does not cut it. <br />
But I no longer believe that just because you do XYZ that you are a Christian either, or are a better Christian. I will always strive to be more like Jesus, <i>always</i>. I will <u><b><i>never</i></b></u> succeed. <b>NEVER</b>. So there is probably something I am doing wrong now that I will one day recognize, be convicted of, and work to change. But that doesn't mean that someone who has already worked on this thing is any better than me. It just means that we all have things we need to work on, we all have issues that God is trying to deal with us about, we all sin. And these things will be dealt with in different ways with different people.<br />
<br />
<br />
So who am I to condemn others? I am not God. I am Lisa, human, not divine. Not my job.<br />
<br />
<br />
So, what does this have to do with the blog I read earlier? (Can you tell I will never be a professional writer? I write journal style and it doesn't always flow, but it's how I write, and what works for me.)<br />
While he was right in some ways about how Christians are in homeschooling, sheltering their children, parroting back what they have read, etc, he is wrong, too. He has a list of things that, if you can answer yes to, means you are part of this negative movement, and lumps all in with ATI/QF. And that's not true. I can say yes to many of the things on his list, but I am not at all like those in the ATI/QF movement that he is so hurt by. I think, I reason, I search for answers. While I make mistakes and too often trust without searching the truth, I recognize this flaw and am trying to do better. I am also trying to instill this in my children. I do not want them to blindly follow my faith. I want them to question, to think for themselves, to truly have their own personal relationship with Jesus. I tell them and show them what I believe, but I also ask them what they believe. I want them to believe the way I do, but I will not force them to. I want it to be a choice, not a command.<br />
But I also refuse to paint families who aren't like me who also homeschool for religious reasons with as wide a brush as this man has. It is not for me to judge anyone. And I don't like being judged by anyone either. <br />
<br />
And that is why I got so upset when I first read this post. I felt judged. I felt judged by someone I don't even know, by someone who doesn't know me, who doesn't know anything about my life. And I finally realized that it's ridiculous. There will always be people who judge me. I will probably always judge others unfairly. It's wrong and I will try not to, but I will probably fail. And by the same token, others will continue to judge me, wrongly or rightly. It will happen. And if I continue to get so upset every time I perceive that someone is judging me I will spend a lot of my life being upset. So I'm going to try not to get upset. I am going to hold my head up high and boldly do what I believe to be right. I love God, I want to be more like Jesus. My way may be different than someone else's, but that doesn't mean that my way is wrong. It may be wrong for someone else, but it's right for me. I am doing what I know God wants me to do. Me, not someone else. Me. Lisa. And I have friends who are Christian who wear revealing clothing, who watch/read Harry Potter, who own a television, who don't own a television, who homeschool, who send their kids to public school, who encourage their daughters to sign purity pledges, who encourage their sons to want to marry virgins, who push for gay rights, who push for one man/one woman being the only true marriages, who are against abortion in any form, who aren't too concerned about abortion, who listen to secular music, who only listen to Christian music, who watch secular movies/tv shows, who don't watch anything, who drink beer, who think no one should drink any alcohol. I could go on and on. Christians do not fit into a cookie cutter mold. We do not all look the same. But it doesn't mean that one is more Christian, more deserving of grace, better than those who are different. But I am tired of trying to explain myself, trying to prove myself to those who don't agree with me. I am who I am. I am ever changing, ever growing, hopefully growing closer to Jesus every single day.<br />
<br />
I am Lisa; a human, a Christian, a wife, a mother, and I'm sure many other things. I am done trying to be a people pleaser; I am done censoring myself; I am done worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. I refuse to apologize for who I am and what I believe. I am me; take me or leave me.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-38706119235683626722011-12-30T21:21:00.000-05:002011-12-30T21:21:57.157-05:00ReflectionsAs the year comes to a close and a new one dawns, we tend to look back and weigh the year to see if it met our expectations. Children are born, people die, new jobs start, old jobs end, books read, houses purchased, divorces, separations, hellos, goodbyes, the list could go on and on. In the end, we put the year into a plus or minus, red or black, good or bad.<br />
<br />
But I don't want to do that this year. Yes, the year has held some ups and downs, but any year that ends, and any year that I can reflect on is a good year. I'm alive. I'm here. I lived through another year. And even if I didn't survive the year, ignoring the fact that I wouldn't be writing this post, it would mean that I was present with my Lord. So how can it not turn out to be a good year?<br />
<br />
I don't make resolutions. Resolutions are broken, never kept. And truly, anything important enough to be made into a resolution should be put into practice as soon as you realize the need, well before January 1st rolls around again.<br />
There are some things in my life that I am trying to improve. The number one most important thing is my relationship with Christ. It always seems as if that is the first thing I let go. Then others follow quickly. And I could make a list a mile long of things I wanted to do better, ways to improve myself, things I wanted to accomplish. But I have no hope of ever being able to cross those things off my list permanently without the help of Jesus. Sure, maybe I could get better for a time, or change for a season, but real, honest improvement comes for the Lord. <br />
<br />
It's so easy to forget the little things. Breath, air, sleep, food, clothing, the ability to walk, water, being able to read, laughter, tears, friendship, love. All of those things come from God. I can strive to attain all of those things for myself, I can even fool myself into thinking I have them. But without God, it's all just an illusion. He is love. He is the giver of every good and perfect gift. It is only because of Him that I wake up every morning, take a breath, take a step, live my life. The thing I hope most to accomplish this coming year is to draw closer to Him.<br />
<br />
Without Him, nothing else matters. When I reflect on the past year, it is Him I want to see, where He touched my life, the walk that we took together. When we look into a mirror we see our reflection. I hope, I pray that when I look into the mirror of each year that the reflection staring back at me is Him.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-38427851480932195522011-12-27T16:57:00.001-05:002011-12-27T16:58:55.595-05:00A new year, a new challengeI have been completely slacking in the Bible reading department lately. I can't put my finger on why, but I just can't seem to keep it up. And it shows.<br />
<br />
So when a friend sent me a link to the <a href="http://www.challies.com/">3650 challenge</a>, I was very intrigued. So intrigued that I decided to try it. I started gathering all the details, mentioned it to my mother (who then promptly decided she wanted to try it as well), and started preparing for January 1st. I even made myself an excel spreadsheet to use to keep track of my daily readings. There is a schedule for the challenge, but it's in more of a list form and I like seeing each chapter I need to read each specific day of the month. I'm really excited.<br />
<br />
I read through the information about the challenge from the man who designed it, Grant Horner, and there were a couple of things that stood out to me in such clarity that I was awestruck. He talked about having occasionally done the reading in slightly different ways but that the key was to stick with it for at least 30 days. "The key is to <i>get into a habit </i>for a month. Then you'll see you've probably been starving yourself." A light bulb went off when I read that. I <i>have</i> been starving myself. I have not been spending time with my Lord. And that is something that should never happen. I should be spending time with Him daily.<br />
<br />
One other thing that Grant Horner said was "Your Bible is the only thing on Earth that, as you wear it out, will actually work better and better." Wow! Another light bulb moment. Isn't that so true? If I am wearing out my Bible by reading it so much, well, then I am getting closer and closer to God. And as I get closer and closer to Him, my life will definitely get better and better.<br />
<br />
I am so ready for this new challenge. I wonder why I waited so long.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-43544008501522552712011-12-06T22:15:00.002-05:002011-12-06T22:17:28.496-05:00Look at the LordTonight, Monkey was playing with the Veggie Tales nativity. He asked if he could put it under the tree. I said fine and then went to look at it. He had arranged all of the figures facing in and I asked him why. He said, "They all want to look at the Lord."<br />
<br />
I am struck by the fact that my almost 5 year old has such insight that many grown adults don't have. What matters most is that we look at the Lord.<br />
It's such a struggle this time of the year. We are trapped in a crazy, plastic, jingly, artificial world that tells us to buy more stuff. It's like we've been hypnotized. We dash around like mad trying to find just the right thing for every person on our list. Even churches get in on it. There's all kinds of activities, everyone tries to outdo each other. There's plays, songs, crafts, each one bigger and better than last year. We whip ourselves into a frenzy and we forget what really matters.<br />
<br />
I am trying to do it this year. I'm going to do my best to keep looking at the Lord.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-373318357298218162011-11-28T20:50:00.000-05:002011-11-28T20:50:57.734-05:00Well hello stranger!Hey, I have a blog. I'd almost forgotten.<br />
<br />
And tonight isn't the night I'm going to resurrect it either. I do want to type a little just to remind myself of what I used to do.<br />
Since I started knitting, I tend to do that in my evenings and typing doesn't fit. But I really have some things I would like to write about.<br />
<br />
Maybe it'll happen.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-63831450887270992242011-08-15T11:38:00.000-04:002011-08-15T11:38:52.791-04:00Blessings<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1CSVqHcdhXQ" width="425"></iframe><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>What if Your blessings come through raindrops?</i><br />
<i>What if Your healing comes through tears?</i><br />
<i>What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?</i><br />
<i>What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?</i><br />
<br />
<i>When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win,</i><br />
<i>We know the pain reminds this heart this is not, this is not our home.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
This song ministers to my soul. It helps remind me that God hasn't left me, He hasn't forgotten me, He never changes, His mercies are new every morning, His promises are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Sometimes life bogs me down and I tend to wallow in self-pity. But I need reminders that He is always there to catch me, that it's me that runs away, He never leaves. And I can rest in that promise.<br />
<i>And the LORD, He </i><i>is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed. ~Deuteronomy 31:8</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-18994821332799404492011-08-10T10:45:00.001-04:002011-08-10T10:48:00.044-04:00Just call me SnaggletoothLife.... it keeps right on happening even when we want it to slow down.<br />
<br />
In the past month, so many things have happened that have given me reason to lean more on God. And yet, I still feel so far away from Him.<br />
A friend from high school lost her 6 year old son. Another friend celebrated her daughter's 15th birthday even though she lost her daughter ten years ago.<br />
Someone I know online lost her husband and must figure out how to raise her two young sons alone.<br />
<br />
It's hard to know how to handle such grief.<br />
<br />
And I am inadequate.<br />
<br />
I am wallowing in my own little world of self-pity. Our car had to be towed to the mechanic. Our computer got a virus and we had to replace it. The boys are growing out of everything they own and need new clothes and shoes ASAP. And last night I lost a cap on one of my front teeth so a trip to the dentist is needed.<br />
<br />
And then I feel guilty even spending a moment worrying about these small things when I have friends dealing with so much more.<br />
I shouldn't even be worrying at all.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Matthew 6:25-34</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i> “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? <br />
“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, </i><i>will He not much more </i><i>clothe you, O you of little faith? <br />
“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day </i><i>is its own trouble.</i></span><br />
<br />
<br />
Very clear, huh?<br />
The day my friend was celebrating her daughter's birthday by visiting her grave, I had a panic attack. I've never had one before and I pray I never will again. Hub took Dino on a hiking trip with some other guys and their sons. I knew they were heading into the mountains and were going to be seeing some waterfalls. I kept picturing Dino falling. Over and over and over again I pictured it. I could feel my heart pounding, my pulse racing, I was sweaty, I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I can't imagine life without my boys. I don't want to be without them. I don't wish for them to beat me home.<br />
But I have to rest in Him, I have to trust that He has a plan and it is right. If it is my plan to survive losing a child, so be it. I will have to survive it. And the only way I can is with God's help.<br />
<br />
No, that's not quite right. I can't survive it at all. It would only be because God carried me through it, only because of Him. I can do nothing; it is the Holy Spirit in me that does what needs to be done.<br />
<br />
Okay, yeah, so I'm really just babbling along here. Not even staying on topic. Huh. But I feel lighter.<br />
Father, thank you for being my Savior, my Comforter, my Protector, my Lord. Thank you for leading me the right way, for shining the light in the direction I must go. I pray that I will learn to follow Your commands, to live the life You have for me instead of trying to live the life I have in mind for me. Your way is perfect; You have the perfect plan for my life. I want to live that life. With Your help, I can. Lord, protect my family. Keep us all healthy and help us all to live long lives. But if that isn't in our plan, Father I ask that You be with us, carry us through any difficult times. Help us to remember that it is only through You that we can make it. I love You Abba.<br />
In Jesus Holy Name, Amen.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-58051271282596007692011-07-21T13:41:00.000-04:002011-07-21T13:41:52.631-04:00It's meI'm struggling. I'm not gonna lie. I'm having a hard time getting into this session of Bible in 90 Days. I'm doing well with the ladies I am mentoring and I have no problem praying for them. But I can't get into the reading. There is something blocking me. And I haven't yet figured out what it is. <br />
<br />
Er, that's not entirely true. I'm sitting in front of the computer night after night, watching stupid TV shows. I should be reading, but I'm not. Or at least, if I'm going to spend my evenings watching shows, I should find another time during the day to do my reading. But I find that I stay up too late. I've been watching some on Netflix and there is always another episode (or movie) waiting to be watched. And the clock creeps later and later and yet I still sit and watch. And then I'm so exhausted the next morning I sleep until one of the kids jumps on me. Sigh.<br />
<br />
And it's not working for me. <br />
<br />
I can feel that I am drifting further and further away from God. And I don't like it. But the human in me is being stubborn and refusing to give up my late nights. <br />
<br />
And it's catching up with me. I am crabby, and cranky, and irritable, and I lose my temper easily.<br />
<br />
Sigh.<br />
<br />
I guess I do know what's blocking my reading. It's me. <br />
<br />
I guess somewhere in the back of my mind (or not really in the back, it's right up front) I knew that I could catch up in the reading in August. Dino starts football practice on the 1st and I have three days a week, two hours at a time, to sit in the car and read. I did that last year. I really enjoyed those afternoons. I could focus on the Word and really grasp what I was reading.<br />
But I wasn't behind when football started. And I was already in a good place in regards to reading. I wanted to be spending time in the Word. Right now I'm looking at it as a chore, something that has to be checked off my list. And I don't want to do that. I want to read for the right reasons.<br />
<br />
And I do want to read right now. I just have to decide which is more important, God or TV. I <em>know </em>the right answer, I just have to<em> act</em> on that knowledge<em>.</em> And the only way I can do that is with the help of the Holy Spirit. I have no strength to do it on my own. I must rely on Him. <br />
<br />
So, from this point forward, I'm doing it. I refuse to give in to my sin nature any longer. I am going to put my Bible reading first, above everything else. I can do this. I <strong><em>will</em></strong> do this.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-66193555467986442822011-07-10T14:01:00.000-04:002011-07-10T14:01:00.188-04:00Comfort ZoneI stepped out of my comfort zone today. It was extremely hard, one of the hardest things I've done in a long time. There were plenty of opportunities for me to back out, but I kept moving forward and did it. And I am so glad I did. I was blessed in doing it and I know I can keep going forward.<br />
<br />
So, what did I do you ask? Oh, you weren't asking? Well I'll just pretend you were and tell you anyway. 'Kay?<br />
<br />
I like to sing. I'm one of those people you see driving down the road singing at the top of their lungs. I sing to the kids. I sing while doing housework. I don't actually sing in the shower, don't know why. When I was younger (high school and early 20's) I sang with the choir at church. But that's all. I've never sung by myself in front of people other than my family. I get very nervous and shake when I just talk in front of a big group. I am very shy and introverted.<br />
So, it was amazing that I stood in front of the whole church this morning and sang with 3 other people. <br />
<br />
I've been praying that God would show me a way that I could be of service to Him. I know that being the wife and mother He wants me to be is being of service, but I wanted to do more if it was something He was asking me to do. So I've been praying that He would show me. <br />
<br />
Over the years, people who stood near me in church would tell me I had a good voice. I've heard it from family and friends. But I have never felt like I could do anything about it.<br />
Last summer we started going to a new church. We felt like it was "home"; we knew God was calling us to this church. It has felt right from the beginning. And several of the people had again told me I had a good voice. One lady in particular, one of the pianists, kept telling me I needed to join the music team and sing sometime. I still wasn't ready.<br />
Then a few weeks ago, the lady who is in charge of who sings and plays for the service came up and asked me if I'd join in. She said some little birdies told her I had a good voice. So she asked me if I'd think about it, pray about it, and let her know. <br />
<br />
I panicked. But God was very clear. He wanted me doing this. The following Sunday I agreed to be a part of the music team. Then the very first Sunday I was to sing, we had to go out of town at the last minute. <br />
So this morning was my first time. Whoever sings on Sunday morning meets to practice at 8:30. I am not a morning person but was determined to make it. I was a tiny bit late, but I made it. It took all the strength I had in me to make the first step toward the door. Well, scratch that, it took the strength of Jesus to get me in the door. If it had been up to me, I wouldn't have done it. <br />
But it turned out that they weren't practicing until 9:30 this morning. So I had a great way out. I could have just missed completely and I probably wouldn't have been missed because it was an unscheduled change. <br />
<br />
But with God's help and strength, I showed up at 9:30 to practice. And even more remarkable, I walked up front during the service when it was time. I put one foot in front of the other and made my way up front. <br />
And again, even more remarkable, when it was time to actually open my mouth and sing, I actually opened my mouth and sang. Me! I still noticed the people, but it ceased being about them and became about Him. I was worshipping Him and the song just came. I stood there very stiff, but my voice was clear and I sang for God, I sang for Jesus. And I am going to go back and do it again next Sunday. <br />
<br />
God is so good!Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-54576599977767360782011-07-09T12:30:00.000-04:002011-07-09T12:30:21.934-04:00Bible in 90 DaysIt's that time again! And I'm so excited!<br />
<br />
Excited enough that I will be back later tonight and actually blog about it. Promise. ;-)<br />
<br />
What, don't believe me??? Cause my stellar posting record for the past few months doesn't speak for itself?!?<br />
<br />
Yeah, I don't completely believe myself either. However, my desire is strong for blogging right now. But this exact minute the children are calling and I have to feed them. But I wanted to get something down so I would feel like I have to blog more later.<br />
<br />
I hope it works.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-11570690573942763032011-05-21T19:16:00.000-04:002011-05-21T19:16:37.220-04:00JoySitting here crying my eyes out over <a href="http://ennorath.typepad.com/arwens_blog/2011/05/nicu.html">this post.</a> It brought back so many memories.<br />
Dino was born at 36 weeks gestation. A tiny bit early but not too bad. However, he did have some blood sugar issues which required an IV. And for that he needed to be in the NICU.<br />
Imagine, if you will, a first time mom, one who had planned a natural childbirth and a healthy baby. Now imagine that she got neither. (well, Dino wasn't unhealthy, he just wasn't in tip-top shape) <br />
<br />
I went into labor 4 weeks early. My water broke Sunday evening. Monday I would be 36 weeks pregnant, 4 weeks from my due date, and it was also to be our final birthing class. I intended to have all natural childbirth, just like my mom had done it, just like many of my aunts and cousins had done it. I was all set, or so I thought. We got to the hospital just before midnight. The doctor's did not think my water had actually broken because I was so early and not in full blown labor. However, it was a slow night so they admitted me. About an hour after I arrived a doctor came in the room and told me there were several tests they used to check if the amniotic sac had ruptured. He (Dr. Payne funnily enough) told me that he be doing a few of the tests. First, he was going to insert a speculum to take a sample. But when he got close enough to that area, he saw some liquid seeping. So he asked for the strips they use (don't know what they are called, but they turn a certain color if they come in contact with amniotic fluid) to test for fluid and it turned positive immediately. He said he still wanted to do some more tests. He again started the test that required the speculum (again, I have no idea of the different tests and the names, I'm just drawing on my memory of the time) but he never finished. Once he got close enough and I spread my legs (hate that) he said, "Never mind. Baby is coming today. I see hair." <br />
So I was officially in labor. I was 3cms dilated at that point and having some contractions. The nurses hooked my up to the monitors and my contractions started getting stronger and coming closer together. Someone came in to insert an IV and that's when I lost it. I was already nervous because it was too early. And now I was getting uncomfortable from the contractions. Then when they tried the IV, they couldn't get it in right and it hurt. They tried in both of my hands several times. Both hands swelled up and started bruising. Eventually they ended up putting the IV in the crook of my right arm, which meant I couldn't bend my elbow. It was very uncomfortable and I panicked. I asked for an epidural. I was checked and found to be 5 cms so they gave me the epi. And then things stalled. So they gave me pitocin. (none of this was anything like the all natural delivery I had planned...) And then Dino's heart rate starting going nuts. I was only 6 cms by this point, 3 hours after the epi had gone in. And Dino kept reacting worse and worse to the contractions. So a decision was made to have a c-section. I cried, but I was so exhausted by this point, I just wanted him to be okay. It was 6am and I had been up for almost 24 hours at this point and I just wanted him to be born. So off to the OR we went. He was born at 6:59 am, weighing in at 6lbs 11oz and looked great for being 4 weeks early.<br />
He stayed with my for almost that whole day. That night, after checking his blood sugar levels several times, he ended up needing an IV, so off to the NICU he went. I was released on Thursday, and it was the hardest day of my life. Seeing all the women leaving the hospital with their babies was like a knife through my heart. It was awful. <br />
<br />
And it didn't matter that Dino was the biggest, healthiest baby in the NICU. It still hurt. And then I felt guilty for being upset when so many of the babies in the NICU were in such bad shape. Those few days were very hard, some of the hardest days I've ever experienced. And even though it was almost 9 years ago, and all the details are fuzzy, the emotion is still razor sharp in my mind. It hurt. It was hard.<br />
But Dino wasn't there long. He came home on Sunday and never looked back. <br />
<br />
So when I found I was pregnant again, I was thrilled that I'd get a do-over. I couldn't wait to have the perfect birth I'd dreamed of. Hub and I practiced and planned and made sure we were going to be ready whenever I went into labor this time. I just knew I'd be one of those women who had a VBAC. <br />
Then came moving day. We moved in with my parents on Tuesday (10 days before my due date). Wednesday I noticed Frog wasn't moving too much. I did all the things you're supposed to do and he moved some, but I kept a close eye on him. Thursday I woke up and he didn't move. And he <em>always </em>moved a ton in the mornings. I called the doctor's office and talked to a nurse. I had an appt for the next day and the nurse said I'd be fine to wait. "Babies slow down this close to your due date", blah, blah, blah. But she could tell I wasn't satisfied. She told me no doctor's were in so I'd have to see a midwife. I said fine and rushed in immediately, no shower, no Hub, no nothing. My mom did come with me to watch Dino. We got to the office and they hooked me up to the monitors. I was reassured to hear Frog's heart beating away. But he still wasn't moving much. He did move some. After almost an hour of monitoring, the nurse took my strip to the doctor that was there on call. A midwife came in and told me they thought it would be best for me to head over to the hospital. No one acted like it was a big deal. So mom and Dino and I made our way over. I tried calling Hub when we got there (this was before everyone and their brother had cell phones) but couldn't reach him. I found out later he was already on his way.<br />
So I get to the hospital, mom calls my sister-in-law to come get Dino and I am all happy-go-lucky thinking I'm getting ready to have an induction. A nurse comes in and tells me to get on the bed because I need to be monitored. I thought she was rather mean, but my mom told me later that she knew something was wrong. I'm on the monitor for a few minutes (Hub was here by now) and the nurse leaves the room. Within a few minutes she returns with a ton of people. Someone starts prepping me for surgery, someone starts an IV, someone is getting me to sign papers, someone is telling me about getting a spinal, someone is telling me something else, there were people everywhere. A short time later I was in the OR and getting a spinal. It happened so fast I had no time to process any of it. <br />
Frog was born at 1:45 pm and weighed 7lbs 15 oz. He was with me for about an hour, while they stitched me up and for a few minutes in the recovery room. But he was not doing well and they took him to the NICU shortly. It really happened so fast I didn't have time to think.<br />
But once I was in my room I had plenty of time to think. And I really did quite well. I was familiar with the NICU having been there with Dino. And I just didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't stress or anything. I was so tired from the delivery that I let it all float away. I saw Frog for a few minutes. They wheeled me to see him before they took me to my room. But then I just slept. It wasn't until the next morning I realized he wasn't good. But even then, I just kept thinking he was more like Dino had been and was just in need of a little time. <br />
No one could ever figure out exactly what happened but he had some kind of infection. He was on antibiotics. His platelets were low. At one point they were sure they would have to give him a blood transfusion. But that didn't end up happening. No one was quite sure what was going on. But he very quickly got better. He still had to stay in the NICU. And I went home for the second time with no baby in my arms. Until then, I did not cry one time. But when they brought all my discharge papers, and I had to get ready to leave, then I lost it. I cried and cried and cried. It hit me then that I was leaving the hospital for a second time with no baby. It was not fair. It downright sucked.<br />
I was mad, and hurt, and upset, and just lost. I was glad to get home to Dino, but felt like part of me was left behind at the hospital. Those few days were torture.<br />
But Frog did well, and he came home on Wednesday, for a grand total of 7 days in the NICU. Not bad at all. <br />
My OB did tell me at my 2 week check-up that she was glad I came in when I did. She said Frog's umbilical cord was tested and there was no oxygen found in it. She said that it was very likely that had I waited or had I gone into labor that Frog would not have made it. I'll take a 7 day NICU stay to that any day.<br />
Doesn't mean my experience wasn't still hard, but Frog is here now and very healthy. I thank God for him every day, for all three of my boys.<br />
<br />
And now, just to round it out and complete the picture, I guess I should write about the day Monkey was born. Two weeks earlier (I was 35weeks2days), I was put into the hospital. My pregnancy had gone okay, but my blood pressure had gone sky high and I'd gained 20 pounds in two weeks. So I went into the hospital overnight for observation. Turns out all was fine, but they kept a close eye on me for the remainder of my pregnancy. I had an appt every week and twice weekly Non-Stress Tests (NSTs). When I went in for my appt the next week, they told me it was possible that we would need an amnio to check for lung maturity and that I'd probably have Monkey the next week. It was a fine line between needing him to stay in and grow and needing him to come out. And they were trying to watch but stay proactive at the same time. <br />
Meanwhile, I'm having all kinds of contractions that are painful but not kicking me into labor. Every NST I had someone would ask if I felt the contractions. I was always like, "Ummmm, yes!!" <br />
So on the Friday after my last appt I started some harder contractions. They continued all weekend and into the next week. I would get 5 in an hour, then only 1 an hour for several hours. Then I'd get 6-7 in an hour for 2 hours. And just over and over again. Never regular but not completely stopping either. So when I got to my appt on Tuesday, I was so ready to hear someone tell me we'd schedule an amnio and Monkey would be coming soon. When the doctor (and I went to a teaching office, so this doc was a newbie, very young) arrived, she examined me, found me to be 3 cms dilated, and listened to me talk about all the contractions. She then told me to schedule my c-section for "two weeks from today." I bawled like a little baby. I told her there was no way I could make it two more weeks. I'm sure OBs hear that all the time and think nothing of it. But I meant it.<br />
Unfortunately, the doc also meant what she said. So off to schedule my c-section I went, and then on to the waiting room to wait for my NST. When I got hooked up for the NST (a couple hours later), Monkey was sleeping so they kept me for awhile waiting on him to move enough to get good readings. All the while I was having contractions. One nurse finally came in and looked at my strip. She quickly got a doctor. This doctor said she didn't like my contraction pattern (and again asked if I could feel them. I guess because I wasn't screaming and writhing in pain no one believed I was feeling them) and because I'd already had 2 c-sections they wanted me at the hospital to be monitored.<br />
I figured it was like my last hospital visit 2 weeks earlier so I didn't want to call Hub. But when I got to the hospital, they sent me straight to pre-op and starting prepping me. I still didn't believe it but my nurse finally convinced me to call Hub. I was contracting the whole time and just waiting. The doc who had examined me earlier, and who I'd bawled on, came in and examined me again. This time I was 5 cms. She declared me in officially in labor and looked rather sheepish if I do say so myself. <br />
Hub got there in the nick of time and I was wheeled back to the OR. Monkey was born at 4:54 pm weighing 9lbs 10 oz, and he was 3 weeks early!<br />
And most amazing of all, he spent every single minute of the hospital stay with me. He only left my room once to go get a hearing test. And the day I left the hospital, Monkey left in my arms. Finally!! At last I got to take a baby home with me. What a wonderful moment that was!<br />
<br />
And now I have a 4 year old, a 6 year old, and an 8 year old. Three wonderful, healthy boys. They are my joy! I am a blessed woman!Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-83036000784606096702011-05-16T20:26:00.000-04:002011-05-16T20:26:58.462-04:00Psssst, hi, it's me.Hey, what's this? A blog? What's a blog? <em>I</em> have a blog? When did that happen?<br />
<br />
Hee-hee, yes I do remember that I have a blog. I just haven't been in a blogging mood for awhile. But I've been getting the feeling back, that feeling I get now and again to write. I'm not a terrific writer, but I do love to put down my thoughts. <br />
So I'm back.<br />
<br />
Here's what's been going on here:<br />
The same thing that always goes on here. Life. It moves at lightning pace. Always.<br />
<br />
Dino is an amazing child. He is growing so fast I'm afraid to sleep for fear he'll be married with kids when I wake up. He'll be 9 in a few months and is just finishing up third grade. <br />
**A quick aside: I know plenty of homeschooling parents who do not pay attention to what grade their child is in. I am not one of those homeschooling parents. While I don't follow the curriculum set by the state, I do tend to follow the general idea and teach the boys according to what grade they would be in if they were in public school. And even then, I have noticed that we are still different sometimes. Dino and Frog both have birthdays that are within days of the cut-off date for starting school. So I started kindergarten with both of them just days after their fifth birthdays. Some in our community have kept their children of the same ages back a year. So no matter what, we are different. It's all good. But back to me, I just work better with the thought in my head that each of them would be in such and such grade, so we should be teaching this. Works well for me that way.**<br />
Dino is just finishing up another season of baseball. He really enjoys it. He isn't the best player out there but he enjoys the game. His coach tells me that he really gets the rules. He pays attention and tries to do what the coach tells him to do. He just isn't extremely blessed in the athletic area. (takes after both of his parents) He is also already looking forward to football season. And he's going to try playing basketball this winter. <br />
Yikes. For a non-athletic child, he really plays a lot of sports. I want him (all of the boys) to stay active as much as possible. Being an obese woman, I am determined to not pass my eating habits and sedentary lifestyle. So I try to keep the boys moving as much as possible. Sometimes they think I'm the meanest mom in the world because I make them stay outside for hours.<br />
Dino is doing really well in school. He loves history. I love that our curriculum is literature based because it has so many wonderful books to read. Dino has become absorbed in the books. He loves to read. Loves to read!! It is not hard to get him to read his school books. (not quite so easy to get him to do his math....) I love to watch how engrossed he gets in a book. He will read and read and read. He bought himself the complete set of "The Chronicles of Narnia" and read the first book, "The Magician's Nephew" the first day he had it. I love that he loves to read. Does my heart good!<br />
<br />
Frog is growing fast, too. He will be seven in a couple of months and is finishing first grade. He is reading now, too. I wondered how it would go with him. When I taught Dino how to read (in first grade) I had switched to a new curriculum. After using it, I decided I didn't like it as well as what I had been using, so I switched back. Then when Frog was ready for first, I got all the Sonlight material to use. Even though I knew it was wonderful material, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to teach Frog how to read as easily as I taught Dino. I was worried that Dino was just a natural reader and I didn't do much, and that the curriculum did more. So switching curriculum on such a fundamental skill worried me. I know, I know, silly. But reading didn't seem to click as quickly for Frog as it did for Dino and I spent much of the year worrying. And as it turned out, all for naught. Frog is a reading champ now. He's been reading everything he can get his hands on. He's finished all the readers for first grade and is now reading some of the second grade readers. I've got to find something for him to read this summer so I can save something for him to read in school next year. Again, I love it!<br />
And Frog is really good in math. He has almost caught up to Dino. It's not making Dino happy, but I don't want to hold Frog back. So we'll take it a step at a time. <br />
Frog just finished up his soccer season. He's getting better all the time at that. He is more athletically inclined than Dino, but still not the superstar of the team. Hub and I just don't seem to make 'em too sports-minded. Oh well. Just so long as they stay active......<br />
<br />
Monkey is, well, he's my baby. I want him to stay a baby. Okay, not really, but maybe a tiny bit. He's now four years old and trying to do everything his brothers do, everything. Sorta. He wants to do it his way, For instance, when we signed the older two up for baseball and soccer, we asked Monkey if he wanted to play a sport. He was not even remotely interested. He told me, "If you can sign me up for a train building class, I would do that." And that is him all the time. Always wants to be in charge, always. At one point I was worried that he was color blind because anytime we talked about colors he always said green or red. Never any other color. Then one day he just told us all the other colors correctly. He just didn't want to do it before.<br />
He's like that with everything. If he doesn't want to do it, no amount of persuading will get him to do it. I tried to get him to write his names for a long time. He flat out refused. Then one day, out of the blue he wrote his name. After that I tried to get him to write some other letters. No way, no how was he going to do it. Again, he flat out refused. He would write numbers all day long, but no letters. Now he's writing some letters. Not the ones I ask him to write, but what he chooses to write. <br />
I thought about starting him in Kindergarten this fall, watching him this past year has made me rethink that thought. He and I are not ready to tackle that job. I will not stress myself out that way. We will take it a day at a time and see how pre-K goes. We'll start Kinder when we are both ready. <br />
<br />
So, that's what's been going on here. Well, sorta. That's what's on my mind tonight. I just put in my order for next year's curriculum so homeschool is what's on my mind right now. Next week I'll have something else on my mind and will be ready to post again.<br />
<br />
Oh, one quick thing about me. I am a knitter now. Ha! Imagine that! I never thought I was crafty. But it turns out I am when it comes to knitting. We had a homeschool co-op last fall and the moms could take one class. I took knitting and haven't looked back since. It just clicked for me and I can pretty much do whatever I want. I haven't tried a sweater yet, but I have done so many other things. A whole new world has opened up for me. I love it. So maybe my next post will be all about knitting. Who knows. I just have a feeling though that I am feeling the need to blog more now and so at least there will be a next post. Yay!!Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-72895958955166215442011-01-17T09:14:00.000-05:002011-01-17T09:14:53.969-05:00I love my kids!My kids are the greatest! They keep me laughing all the time. The keep me annoyed often as well, but since I love them so, I can handle that. <br />
<br />
So far today, they have put a smile on my face several times. Monkey came out of the bedroom, where the older two were making their bed. Nanny told him to go make his bed. His reply, "But I'm not old enough to make beds." *snicker*<br />
Last night, Dino messed the shower up and couldn't finish his shower. We have a timer on it and if done incorrectly you have to wait five minutes to shower. So he was sitting in just his robe. He said, "Aaahhhh, there's nothing like wearing a nice warm robe with nothing underneath." Seriously tickled me, even tickles me now remembering it.<br />
This morning Frog came out after getting dressed wearing his nice clothes, the ones we keep for church or dress up occasions. He said, "I thought I'd make you and Nanny happy this morning so I dressed up." Love him!<br />
Then just a bit ago, Dino was sitting reading his Bible. He is reading in Exodus right now. He read this out loud to me, "<em>The LORD said to Moses, “Consecrate to me every firstborn male. The first offspring of every womb among the Israelites belongs to me, whether human or animal.”</em> Exodus 13:1-2<br />
He wanted to know what it meant so we talked about it. Then he said, "Do we still have to do that now?" I said no and he came back with, "Good, cause I don't want to be a preacher."<br />
<br />
The fact that he wants to read the Bible and wants to know what it actually means makes me so proud. And by him doing it, he's also teaching his little brothers. It's a cycle. And I love it. And I love them.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-13809513205260934382011-01-13T21:38:00.000-05:002011-01-13T21:38:03.635-05:00Got knocked down a pegI'm just going to blurt it out: I'm not doing the Bible in 90 Days anymore. Well, not reading that is. I am still a mentor, but you don't have to be reading along if you are a mentor. <br />
But I'm kinda annoyed with myself but I'm trying to let go and figure out what God is trying to teach me.<br />
<br />
Here's what happened.<br />
After doing the last B90, I was totally pumped. I had been a mentor and I had read along again. So I had gone from never reading the Bible cover to cover to doing it twice in one year. Boy, I was quite proud of myself. <br />
That fact alone isn't awful. It's not always a bad thing to be proud of an accomplishment. But I let my pride get away from me. I knew that Amy was going to do another B90 starting in January. I let her know that I was willing to help out again. And then I got cocky. Oh yeah, I'm good at this. I can do this no problem at all. See, look at me, I'm super woman, awesome mom, can read super fast, be an encouragement to others, I can do it all.<br />
I even convinced my family to read with me this time. <br />
<br />
Then January 3 happened. Nothing spectacular, but I couldn't manage to keep up with the reading from day 1 of the challenge. But I thought, hey, I know Genesis, I'll just skim. Yeah, not working out so good. But hey, here's Exodus, I'll just start reading that on the right day and then go back and catch up on Genesis. <br />
But it just wasn't feeling right. At first, I thought it was just Satan trying to poke at me. I also felt like since I'd convinced my family to read with me that I ought to be reading, too. But then I started to think I needed something else, that maybe God was telling me to do something different. After the last B90, I didn't stay in the Word like I should have. I didn't read every day. It was very hit or miss.<br />
And I could feel it. And I think that was at the crux of why I was not able to read with the challenge.<br />
Then a friend mentioned that she wanted to try something a little slower, something that gave her time to chew on what she was reading.<br />
And that's when I really started to feel that tug on my heart. That's it, that's what I want- more time to think about what I'm reading.<br />
<br />
I love the Bible in 90 Days program. It's especially great if you have never read the Bible through. I think it's great that it's in such a quick time because it gives such a great picture of the whole thing, of what the Bible is trying to tell us. It is a value program. And I really think that I will try to do it at least once every year or two. It's good to get the whole Bible in your mind and heart. <br />
But for me, at this point, I need to go deeper. I need something else. <br />
So I'm looking for some options. Any suggestions would be great.<br />
<br />
But that's where I am, that's what's going on here.<br />
Still praying for my ladies, still praying for the whole program, just not reading myself this go round. And kinda licking my wounds. <br />
God can use this, in fact, this is often when God really makes some big changes. Or points out the things that I need to change. <br />
My pastor made an analogy at church Sunday. He talked about being filled with the Spirit. Too often different denominations get caught up in what that means. One of the things I love about my pastor is that he says not to sweat the small stuff. He says if you are following a doctrine that comes from a man, it's probably not the right one. Read the Bible, figure out what God really says about it.<br />
Ooops, going off track a bit. Anyway, Pastor Paul used the analogy of a hotel room. A Christian is already filled with the Spirit once they become saved. But they have to empty themselves out to let the Spirit have free reign. The Spirit is in the hotel, walking around knocking on doors. I can choose if I want to let the Spirit in each room. When God is dealing with me on the issue in room 24, I have to let the Spirit have the room or I can choose to hold on to it. If I let the Spirit in, I have to empty that room of myself. <br />
<br />
So right now, the Spirit is knocking on my door, asking to come in. There are some things I need to change. And I need to quiet myself and let Him work on me. <br />
<br />
<br />
Okay, that is all over the place. That's what happens when I write. I just tend to write what's on my mind. And tonight, I feel like it's important to just let it be what it is, no editing. This is where I am right now, and if it makes no sense, well that's the way it is. This is me. I'm flawed.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-8843506779104234392011-01-10T00:47:00.000-05:002011-01-10T00:47:29.176-05:00Quickly...Wanted to add my thoughts on something while I have a moment. <br />
<br />
This ties in with my thoughts about the rainbow. Again, I take the Bible literally. As a friend said recently, "Call me crazy" but I do take it literally. I believe that God made the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th. I know many do not agree with me, but that's alright. Call me crazy if you must. <br />
<br />
But what struck me while reading in Exodus was when God gave the 10 commandments. One of them, Exodus 20:8-11 <em>Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.</em> <br />
<br />
<br />
I never read it quite the way I did a couple of days ago. A light went off. Some people say that the days God referred to when He created the earth are like thousands of years for us. So it would be possible that there were thousands of years between each part He added to the world, thus allowing for evolution. <em>I</em> don't believe it. What jumped out of me in Exodus was that He said "<em><strong>Six days</strong> you shall labor and do all your work, but the <strong>seventh day</strong> is the Sabbath" </em>and "<em>For in <strong>six days</strong> the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the <strong>seventh day</strong>."</em><br />
I am not a Bible scholar and I do not know what the Hebrew words were that were used in this passage. But it seems to me that the six days (of a week) that we are to work are the same time period as the six days God worked to create the earth. <br />
To me, it seems crystal clear that He created the earth in six literal days. <br />
I am not a scientist, though there are many scientists (real, true, honest to goodness scientists) who believe the way I do. I love when I read about creationism. My favorite website on creationism is <a href="http://www.answersingenesis.org/">AIG</a>. So much information there. <br />
<br />
Anyway, it's late and I should be in bed. Just had to get these thoughts out before I forgot.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-69165798849929426822011-01-04T14:15:00.000-05:002011-01-04T14:15:46.330-05:00Day twoI'm a little behind already, not on reading but on posting. <br />
Oh well. I decided this time to not let the blogging interfere with the reading. While I like to write down my thoughts, last time I got so caught up in that part that I let my reading slide. Not gonna happen this time.<br />
<br />
I had a thought about Noah that I did want to write down. In Genesis 9:11 God says, <em>"Thus I establish My covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood; never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth." </em><br />
I personally believe that the Bible should be taken literally. So in line with that, I believe that the flood of Noah's day was a worldwide flood, that the entire earth was covered with water. I know that other Christians and atheists believe that the flood was more likely just a local flood. <br />
But when I read that passage a thought occurred to me. We can see rainbows everywhere. If the rainbow was a sign to a local area that that area would not be flooded again, then why can I see a rainbow thousands of miles away? Wouldn't the rainbow be localized if the flood was? <br />
I don't really know, just thinking aloud. Obviously, to me the rainbow is a sign to the whole earth that the whole earth won't every be destroyed by water again.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-33421723213290939022011-01-03T08:56:00.001-05:002011-01-03T10:02:56.696-05:00B90Days, Day 1Bible in 90 Days! Again! I'm so excited. I know I could read the Bible on my own, somehow finding out a way to make myself read every day, but this program keeps me more accountable. Maybe it's all in my head, but whatever it is, I'll take it!<br />
<br />
So today is Day 1 and I'm just getting started. But the most exciting part for me is that several family members are reading along with me. Hub said he would try. He doesn't seem too eager so I'll be praying like mad for him, but he wants to try. (yay!!!) My mom is going to read again, too. She was with me the first time I did B90Days with our Bible study group. We had the opportunity to meet once a week and watch some DVDs that <a href="http://www.biblein90days.org/">Bible in 90 Days</a> has available. (If you go to their website, click on "hear the lessons" and you can listen to the DVDs that we watched.) It was a great experience and I'm glad mom wants to read again. <br />
Best of all, Dino wants to read along. Through no prodding by me, he asked me the last time I read if he could read. So when I was getting ready this time, I found the reading schedule for kids. I printed up all the different age levels. The one for age 6-10 wasn't enough for him. He took one look at it and said, "Is that all? It's not the whole Bible." I gave him the 9-12 schedule and he's okay with it. He really wants to read the entire Bible. While I love that he wants to, I don't want him to get stuck with all the begats, and Leviticus, and all the prophets. I'm encouraging him to just make it a goal to read everything on his schedule and read some every day. Then, if he still wants to read what he didn't, he can go back. We'll see how it goes.<br />
Frog is also reading along (being read to), so we're making it a whole family thing, as Monkey is getting some listening to others. This is so nice!<br />
<br />
<br />
So, here begins another wonderful B90Days. I am looking forward to every single day.<br />
<br />
Oh, Amy at <a href="http://www.momstoolbox.com/blog/">MomsToolbox</a> is hosting this challenge. She has tons of info on her site. Go visit and check it out if you haven't already.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-24032280360217325052010-12-25T00:26:00.000-05:002010-12-25T00:26:12.280-05:00JesusFor God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believed in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. John 3:16-17<br />
<br />
For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:11<br />
<br />
For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3304782104637245670.post-37770045734013064032010-12-20T23:38:00.001-05:002010-12-20T23:40:15.749-05:00He's HereIn the busyness of the holiday season, we often forget the reason why we started celebrating in the first place. It's good to keep Jesus front and center all the time but especially now. It's a clique but so true, He's the reason for the season. <br />
One day I was driving home from the store and heard this song on the radio. I'd never heard it before but it spoke to me in a powerful way. It's beautiful. And songs like these help me to keep the right perspective and keep Jesus as the focus of my life.<br />
Merry Christmas!<br />
<br />
<iframe frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/R2xxqRm3Hyg?fs=1" width="425"></iframe>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16188612719221876107noreply@blogger.com1