Thursday, January 13, 2011

Got knocked down a peg

I'm just going to blurt it out: I'm not doing the Bible in 90 Days anymore. Well, not reading that is. I am still a mentor, but you don't have to be reading along if you are a mentor.
But I'm kinda annoyed with myself but I'm trying to let go and figure out what God is trying to teach me.

Here's what happened.
After doing the last B90, I was totally pumped. I had been a mentor and I had read along again. So I had gone from never reading the Bible cover to cover to doing it twice in one year. Boy, I was quite proud of myself.
That fact alone isn't awful. It's not always a bad thing to be proud of an accomplishment. But I let my pride get away from me. I knew that Amy was going to do another B90 starting in January. I let her know that I was willing to help out again. And then I got cocky. Oh yeah, I'm good at this. I can do this no problem at all. See, look at me, I'm super woman, awesome mom, can read super fast, be an encouragement to others, I can do it all.
I even convinced my family to read with me this time.

Then January 3 happened. Nothing spectacular, but I couldn't manage to keep up with the reading from day 1 of the challenge. But I thought, hey, I know Genesis, I'll just skim. Yeah, not working out so good. But hey, here's Exodus, I'll just start reading that on the right day and then go back and catch up on Genesis.
But it just wasn't feeling right. At first, I thought it was just Satan trying to poke at me. I also felt like since I'd convinced my family to read with me that I ought to be reading, too. But then I started to think I needed something else, that maybe God was telling me to do something different. After the last B90, I didn't stay in the Word like I should have. I didn't read every day. It was very hit or miss.
And I could feel it. And I think that was at the crux of why I was not able to read with the challenge.
Then a friend mentioned that she wanted to try something a little slower, something that gave her time to chew on what she was reading.
And that's when I really started to feel that tug on my heart. That's it, that's what I want- more time to think about what I'm reading.

I love the Bible in 90 Days program. It's especially great if you have never read the Bible through. I think it's great that it's in such a quick time because it gives such a great picture of the whole thing, of what the Bible is trying to tell us. It is a value program. And I really think that I will try to do it at least once every year or two. It's good to get the whole Bible in your mind and heart.
But for me, at this point, I need to go deeper. I need something else.
So I'm looking for some options. Any suggestions would be great.

But that's where I am, that's what's going on here.
Still praying for my ladies, still praying for the whole program, just not reading myself this go round. And kinda licking my wounds.
God can use this, in fact, this is often when God really makes some big changes. Or points out the things that I need to change.
My pastor made an analogy at church Sunday. He talked about being filled with the Spirit. Too often different denominations get caught up in what that means. One of the things I love about my pastor is that he says not to sweat the small stuff. He says if you are following a doctrine that comes from a man, it's probably not the right one. Read the Bible, figure out what God really says about it.
Ooops, going off track a bit. Anyway, Pastor Paul used the analogy of a hotel room. A Christian is already filled with the Spirit once they become saved. But they have to empty themselves out to let the Spirit have free reign. The Spirit is in the hotel, walking around knocking on doors. I can choose if I want to let the Spirit in each room. When God is dealing with me on the issue in room 24, I have to let the Spirit have the room or I can choose to hold on to it. If I let the Spirit in, I have to empty that room of myself.

So right now, the Spirit is knocking on my door, asking to come in. There are some things I need to change. And I need to quiet myself and let Him work on me.

Okay, that is all over the place. That's what happens when I write. I just tend to write what's on my mind. And tonight, I feel like it's important to just let it be what it is, no editing. This is where I am right now, and if it makes no sense, well that's the way it is. This is me. I'm flawed.

1 comment:

Missy H said...

I think that this program would be a great thing to go through every few years but that in-depth study has great value too and should be done more frequently than quick reads. I totally understand and I'm proud of you for seeking God's direction and following it.