Sunday, March 29, 2009

Remembering Sam

A dear friend has gone through something that I wish no mother ever had to, not once, but twice. And the day that she lost her first beautiful little one, Sam, is fast approaching.

I find myself wishing I could do something, find some way to make it easier for her. But I don't know what. I will still, always, pray. There's not much more I can do.

Back when her second little one was lost, (before I knew his name was Benjamin), I was praying one day while Dino was doing schoolwork. I took a pen and wrote on our dry erase board. In my way, I felt the need to see the names of those little ones, to remind myself that they will always be remembered.
And in this second one, I noticed that even though I had erased their names, I could still see them. And I was like, wow! That's what it's like! Though they were both here for only a short time, they are still here, remembered in our hearts.

And when I think of my friend, my heart flips and flops. I cannot begin to fathom the pain that she must feel, knowing that she will never get to hold Sam or Benjamin this side of heaven. And again, all I can do is pray.

I did read something in the bible that really spoke to me. From The Message Bible,

Psalm 42:9-11 Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, "Why did you let me down? Why am I walking around in tears, harassed by enemies?" They're out for the kill, these tormentors with their obscenities, taunting day after day, "Where is this God of yours?" Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God— soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God.

And I think, that's it. Even in my darkest hour, the hardest stretch of road I face, as a believer, I know that soon I'll be praising again. And I know that you will, too, Mrs.B.

Friday, March 27, 2009


I'm not sure what I want to say tonight; I just feel the need to say something. The more I cruise around online these days, the more I realize I am not the "norm" anymore. I'm a nutjob, a freak, a hater, in a cult, a sheep, and not very smart. Well, at least from the world's viewpoint.
The closer I get to God, the more I learn to lean on Him, the more satisfied and fulfilled I become with my life, the more it seems that the world thinks less of me.
I struggle with this. For most of my life, I wanted to fit in, to be one of the in crowd, to have everyone like me. So, now, when so many don't like anything that I stand for, it is odd. I am not actually bothered by not being one of the group anymore. I don't want to be like them. But now, my focus has shifted to sorrow; I am grieved by the fact that there are so many lost people in the world. And they truly don't realize that they are.
Me? Well, I may not always know exactly where I am at every single moment, but I sure know where I'm going. I know whose I am!! And I am no longer ashamed of who I am. I am a daughter of the King, a joint-heir to the throne, a literal Bible believing, Spirit-filled, lover of Jesus!
I believe in God, not a god, the God, the one true God, creator of all.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Rest in His Shadow

I have spent much of my day today in prayer. Stellan has been in my mind and on my heart all day. I wish there was more I could do, but I know that prayer is what is needed right now, and wow, can prayer work wonders!

Here is my attempt at showing my heart. A picture for Stellan and his MckMama:

I am praying... tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, as long as is necessary.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I know that very few people ever read my blog, but I need to get this down. Prayers are needed for Stellan, a sweet little baby who is very sick right now. His MckMama has a way with words and I have been reading her blog for quite some time now.

God is mighty and He is listening.

I have been praying for Stellan all day today, and now, I want to add this prayer for his mom.

I am claiming Psalm 91 for her and her family.

1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

And over at Knowing Norrah Stellan's name gallery is back up and running. I sent a picture to MckMama back last summer for Stellan, to let her know I was praying.
There is power in prayer.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


I am so sad. I just read a post about adoption in the blogsphere. And I am crushed.
Why do so many people think it's okay to have an abortion? Seriously. Why?
The post I read was about a woman who had given up a child and had had an abortion as well. She said that the abortion was much easier. And then proceeded to go on about how hard adoption is.
Okay, I get it. Truly. I can't imagine the pain of having to give up a child for adoption. I cannot ever imagine how truly heart wrenching it must be. I'm not stupid. I know, too, that adoptees don't have it easy.
And I wish I had some magic pill that made it easy all round. But I don't.
I do think that people should think before they speak. And yes, I can see that people saying "just put the baby up for adoption" have no idea what they are talking about. It can't be an easy fix.
And my heart breaks for any woman who is ever put in a position where she has to consider adoption, abortion, or how on earth she will be able to keep and raise a child. I've never been pregnant when I wasn't trying to be pregnant, so I can't really get what it must be like.
But why, why does that make it okay to kill a baby?
Never once has anyone been promised an easy life. There are always going to be choices in life that will affect your life forever. I'm not trying to say that one persons pain and grief are any less than anothers. But I have never understood the argument that because one person may have to live with an awful reality (like giving up a child for adoption) another persons life should have to end.

I know, I know, not everyone believes that an unborn child is a person. But I can't even stomach that idea right now. So I'll save that discussion for another day.

And I really get mad when I hear that a pro-life person isn't concerned with the mother, just the baby. The person who wrote the post basically said that all pro-lifers cared about was forcing a woman to give birth. And that after that, they didn't care about the baby or the mother.
I don't know what pro-lifers this woman has met, but that doesn't sound like any I know.
I know many, many women who have put their hearts on the line and have reached out to other women. I know many people (men and women) who have helped out at crisis pregnancy centers, before and yes, even after the birth. I have also known many people who have adopted children, who have helped others adopt, who generally care about other people and just help out any way they can.
I, myself, am involved with a group of women and we are trying to get a ministry started. It is a ministry that we hope will involve all kinds of people but the first leg of our journey is to minister to women and girls who find themselves pregnant and don't want to be. We want to give them true choices and offer help and guidance and hope.

I wish I were a more eloquent writer so that I could really get my point across. But this will have to suffice.
I care; I care about women; I care about babies; I care about children; I care about people. And I cannot help but feel pain about women justifying pro-choice. It's just not a reasonable choice.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Just a moment...

I only have a minute, it's late and I must sleep.
But I am trying to make this blog something. I really want to write down what is going on in my life. And I keep pushing it to the side.

But so much is going on here right now.
My mother in law passed away on February 10. Thank God that Hub was able to be there with her. We got home over the weekend, and Hub went back to work on Monday, the 16th, only to be laid off. Niiiiice.

We've dealt with sickness since then, and just plain old bummed out feelings. And then, tonight, Hub got a call that his uncle, his mom's last sibling, died today. Hard to take it all in.

God is taking care of us; we are, as always, in the palm of His hand. Things will be okay. We are loved.