Wednesday, March 31, 2010


So, life is moving here. Things are crazy like always. My grandpa is not doing well. He's 89 years old and has had two heart attacks and has had everything done medically that can be done. He's tired and he's ready to go home. And in all honesty, that's what I'm praying for. I don't want to think about grandpa not being here, but I don't want him to keep on like he has been. He sleeps almost all the time. He's dizzy all the time. He can barely walk. There's not a lot he enjoys doing.
It's so hard. I want him healthy. But that is not a possibility now. And I know that he's a Christian; he will be in heaven and be pain free. So, the fact that he will be happier when he's gone is huge, but I don't want him to be gone. I want him here, like the grandpa he was. And because that's not possible, I just want him in peace.

Man, let me tell you about my grandpa. He was a farmer. He grew up on a farm that his mother's parents homesteaded. When he was in his 20's, he joined the army and was in WWII. When the war was over, he married my grandma. They settled down on their own farm and raised dairy cattle. My mom was born just before their first anniversary. Over the years, they welcomed four more daughters. They worked hard, made a good life for themselves and most importantly, raised five strong, independent, Christian daughters. Their legacy is amazing. There are 15 grandchildren (10 girls and 5 boys) and 18 great grandchildren (7 girls and 10 boys). I am the oldest grandchild (ahem, 38) and my youngest cousin is 12 (I think). And honestly, I think that every single one of us is a Christian. Faith is extremely important in our family. One of my aunts homeschools my four cousins. She's the first person I ever knew who homeschooled. Her oldest is a senior this year and I am so proud of the job she has done. Each of those four cousins is someone I would love to have raised. They are the best kids. I look to my aunt (and uncle) to see the way I want to raise my family.
With the exception of my mom and my brother and I, the rest of the family lives within minutes of each other. I miss the fact that I did not grow up with them, but I am still proud of the fact that I belong to such a wonderful family. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

My mom and my brother are driving right this minute to go visit them. I wish that I could be with them. I just can't right now. It takes almost 2 days to get there, 2 days back, and at least 3 to stay, so Hub can't take the time off to go with me, or keep the boys here. And of course, two of the boys woke up in the night last night with fevers so it's best we're home for now anyway. Then there's the fact that my father in law is coming for a visit today. It's only the second time we've seen him since my mother in law passed away last year. I'm sure there will be many emotions involved with this visit.

So I'm a bit of an emotional wreck right now. God is pulling me through. It just happens that today is day 90 in my Read the Bible in 90 Days task. I am proud of the fact that I have been able to do this. I am so close to being done. I have to read Revelation, which is no easy task, and there is the possibility that given two sick kids and last minute clean-up for FIL visit, and baseball practice tonight, that I won't be able to read all 22 chapters, but I am going to do my best. And at the very least, I will finish tomorrow, in 91 days. No matter, this will be the first time I have ever read the Bible through. And I am very proud of myself. And I can't wait to do it again. This has been the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am so much closer to God than I was when I started. I have this burning desire to read His Word every day now. I do not want to lose this feeling. Good thing I have such good friends and family that want to see me keep focused on Him and who will push me to stay in His Word.

So, umm, yeah, that's all I got for now. I do want to blog about what's going on with me weight-, eating-, exercise-, etc- wise, but not right now. I will get to it in a day or two. But things are going well, much better than I imagined they would be.
So, until later, here's a verse I'm holding onto right now:
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Beauty. I've been thinking about that word a lot this week. Sami, over at Sailor & Company brought it to my mind. She's having a contest to find a picture that best shows what is beautiful. I thought about entering, but I couldn't do it. Mainly because God told me right away what to take a picture of, and I thought that He must be out of His mind. He said I should take a picture of myself. Ha!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yep. I've heard that a lot. But is it true?
I guess it depends on what you view as beauty. Merriam-Webster defines it as: the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit : loveliness.
So, I guess that means that anything can be beautiful. If someone derives pleasure from it, it's beautiful. Huh. I guess I solved my problems without having to type as much as I thought I would.
I came here tonight to blog about whether or not I was beautiful. But after getting the definition, I guess I am. Hub derives pleasure from me; the kiddos would say that I (sometimes) bring them pleasure; I actually have friends who would probably agree.
So, that settles it; I'm beautiful. Again I say Ha!

Ah, sounds so simple, no? Just snap my fingers and believe that I am beautiful.
And, not so much. I can't do it. I cannot look at myself, live in my head, and believe that I am beautiful. I can't. Especially these days, now that I have taken off my blinders and can admit that I am fat. How can a fat person be beautiful? It just doesn't seem possible to me.
But, we just looked at the definition of beauty. So, something I don't think is beautiful might be to someone else. And then, that would make it beautiful, right?

We just got some fun creepy crawlies in the mail for school.

Here we have praying mantis egg cases:

What the praying mantises will eat when they hatch:

Some caterpillars:

Some ladybugs:

So, what do you think? Did you see anything beautiful? I did. I saw several of God's creatures. And each of them is beautiful in its own way. Any one of those pictures could have been used over at Sami's but still not what I was thinking about.

I know God was speaking to me in that still, small voice. I know that I am supposed to believe that I am beautiful. But it's so hard. I argued with myself all week. I am not beautiful. There is nothing about me that is beautiful. But God told me to take a picture of myself and show that as beauty. Again, is He crazy? I mean, really? Me? I'm fat. I think He got the memo. He watched me eat myself into this position. He listened as I cried and whined and yet still ate food that wasn't good for me. And sat on my bottom instead of getting out and moving my body. He knew that each step I took toward a less healthy me meant that I was taking one step further away from the path He wanted me on.
I have done some really bad things to my body. So how can He say that it's beautiful?

1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
Humph. Well. I guess that puts a different spin on things. God is looking at my heart. He thinks I'm beautiful.
Who am I to disagree with the creator of the universe? If the Living God says that I'm beautiful, well, then, I'm beautiful.
So, I'm going to post the picture I took. It's not a good quality picture. I took it in the bathroom because I didn't want anyone in the house to know what I was doing. And I can pick out every single imperfection. But I am trying to look past those and look to the heart.
I haven't succeeded yet, but I won't stop looking. And I won't stop thanking God. Without Him, I am nothing. With Him, I am Beauty.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


So, something funny happened on Friday. I went to the store, the same store I went to that started my whole "fat" journey. And I found some pants that fit! Oh, and get this, the same size pants as the ones I tried on before. Same size I'm still wearing in my old pants. Hmmmm, methinks something strange is going on.
Okay, I'm not sure how exactly God works. Like how He answers prayers and how He makes things happen. Does He just do it or does He set things in motion. I don't know. I do know that one day I spent a couple hour trying on clothes and nothing fit the entire time and now, just 6 days later, clothes are now fitting. Don't know for a minute if this was God's doing. I know he can perform miracles, even small, silly miracles like this.

But no matter what happened, why things didn't fit and now do, I have started a journey. I am making life-altering changes in my life. I will not gain anymore weight. I will lose weight. I will start making healthy choices for my body. I will get myself to a healthy weight and treat my body the way that God intended for me to treat it. It doesn't matter if He performed a tiny miracle just for me or not. He did perform a big, huge miracle for me. He saved me. That's miraculous enough for me.

I'm doing a Bible study right now with some friends. We have a book, "Living By The Book: Workbook" by Howard C. Hendricks and William D. Hendricks. It teaches you how to study the Bible yourself. I am enjoying it immensely. It gives pointers on how to read scripture and dig into it and truly internalize it and understand what God is saying. I just finished one section that I kept thinking about while I was typing this post. (yes, Michelle, I am still a bit behind *snicker*) It's talking about reading the Bible as a love letter. And to think about yourself in it. Put yourself in it.
Take John 3:16-17 for example; it reads:  "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him."

Now, substitute your name for "the world." 
"For God so loved Mae, that He gave His only begotten Son, that if she believes in Him, she will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son to Mae to judge her, but that Mae might be saved through Him."

Wow!! How cool is that? God loved me so much, way back when He first created everything, way back before I was here, He sent Jesus for me. That right there is what I call a miracle. There's no other word for it. And the fact of the matter is, God also sent Jesus for every single person on this earth. Even people who I don't like; even people who don't like me; even people who talk trash about Him, about His people, about His Son. God sent Jesus for everyone. Don't take my word for it; read the Bible and see. Insert your name into the Bible and read it as if God is speaking directly to you.

Life changing.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

God has a sense of humor!

See what I got in the mail today??
Now, who wants to convince me that God does not have a sense of humor? I laughed extremely hard when I got these wonderful cupcakes in the mail. My sweet, wonderful, lovely secret sister sent them to me. What's even funnier to me is imagining her face when she read my blog post on Monday and realized that she'd just sent me cupcakes! The thought of it tickles me!
Now, guess what happened to the cupcakes?

My mother ate one of them. And I ate the other. Yep, I did. And I don't feel a bit guilty.
See? This positive thinking thing is going to work out. I have not failed. My "diet" is not ruined. Things are not doomed. I ate a cupcake. So what? Guess what I did right today? I drank 80 oz of water, one less cup of coffee than yesterday, and a glass of milk. So, my liquid intake is getting better. And I ate better throughout the day, too. So, I am headed in the right direction. And I refuse to let a cupcake derail me.

So, bring it on! Errr, but please, don't send anymore of those delicious cupcakes!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Wow! *update*

I am completely overwhelmed by you guys! I cannot even express to you what it means to me that you are willing to help me along this journey. I am humbled by your thoughts, prayers, kind words, emails, comments here, comments on FB, etc. So much love coming my way and I can feel it all.
My APTCH girlies, well, you guys know that you all rock, and that my heart is forever yours. And I can't wait until our next get-together, whenever it may be, because then you guys will all get to see the new and improved me. Yep, I'm thinking positively now!

So, here's what I'm gonna talk about right now, my goals for right this minute.
Part of me wants to just stop eating. Seems so logical, right? Lose weight by not eating.
Ummmm, yeah, not gonna work. Then my next thought was to seriously cut down on my eating. Again, not the best plan right this very minute. Sounds good in theory, but I've been down this road before. I drastically change my eating habits for about two weeks. Then I slip and then it's easier to slip again, then I just give up. You know the cycle. I've been here before, many, many, many times before. But not this mindset. And I don't want to let go this time. My mind is different. Anyway, I am going to talk about that later. And much more that I need to talk about.

But right now, my goals and plans.
This week, water, water, water. I usually drink coffee, tea, juice, milk, and soda. Most of the time, I average about one soda a day. I might drink two a day, then nothing, then three one day. I'm not really "addicted" to soda in that I need it everyday. But I still need to cut it out. I am however, addicted to coffee.
But, what I am concentrating on this week is adding water. Monday and Tuesday, I got 60 oz each day. Today, I want to up it to 70, hopefully to be at 100 by the end of the week. As I increase the water, I'm  decreasing the other drinks. I hope to be at no soda by next week, only a glass of tea for dinner, no juice, and just a little milk. But I am not stopping coffee yet. Too much, too soon on that.
I am also trying to go to bed earlier this week. I'm aiming for 11 each night for at least two weeks. Then I'll go back to 10:30. I need more sleep. I know that will help.
I'm also cutting back sweets. Not cutting them off, not going too drastic. But weaning somewhat. I did cut chocolate completely. Well, not completely cut off. I like chocolate, plain chocolate. Candy bars, chocolate chips, that kind of chocolate. Well, I like any kind, but that's what I'm into right now. And I can't stop with just a tiny bit, so I'm cutting it completely. (okay, rambling again, sigh) But I am not going to cut other "sweets" immediately. For instance, we had cake for dessert last night. I had a smaller piece than normal, but I still had some.
I know me, and if I think I am being deprived right off the bat, I'm going to quit.
So, slow and steady, slow and steady. I'm making small steps, but I'm going to keep making them this time.

I will do this! I know that with the help of friends, and most importantaly God's help, I can do this.

So, today I'm thinking positively!! Yay!! Small steps!

**Yay!! I drank 70 oz of water today. I drank coffee, and a half glass of tea. Progress!!**

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I can't do it

I don't know if I can do this. It will be so much easier to just let it take me over. I don't know if I have the strength.
I took pictures of myself yesterday. I can barely look at them. When did it happen? When did I get so fat? This is going to be insurmountable.
I mean, do you realize that I need to lose almost 200 pounds? Most people don't even weigh 200 pounds.
I can't do this. I can barely breathe.
 But I have to.

I have no other choice. In particular I have three sweet faces and three sweet reasons to keep going, to take a step in the right direction. I have to. But I don't know how.

Yesterday, and today, I drank more water than I have in awhile. That's my first step. Can I keep going forward?? And after I get used to drinking better, what next? How on earth am I going to be able to lose so much? Is it even possible??

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Laying it all out there

I am fat. I am obese. I weigh, well, I don't actually know how much I weigh, but I know it's a lot. Until recently (the last six months to a year), I knew how much I weighed, but I gained more and now my weight doesn't register on my scale.
My scale only goes up to 330 pounds. What's that? Ahem. I said 330 pounds.
Alright, you heard it; I weigh more than 330 pounds. (Do you have any idea how hard that was for me to admit??? My palms are sweaty and my heart is pounding. I feel like I have just stripped myself naked and am running around town.) And that fact disgusts me. It makes me feel like crap. I despise the fact that I am so fat. I hate that I let myself get to this point. And I really want to lay down and just cry and cry until there is nothing left anymore. Sometimes I want to just really let go completely and get really fat, get to be that 500 pound person that can't leave the house. I want to just give up and close in on myself and never have to face people, never have to face myself, never have to face my fears, never have to do anything.

But I have a still, small voice that won't let me do that. That voice inside my head, inside my heart, tells me that I am worth more than that. That I am special, and beautiful, and I deserve much more than that. I just have to let go, to let that still, small voice have free reign and give up something. I have to give up control.

I have controlled what I think others think of me to such a degree that I am helpless now. I have allowed Satan to convince me that people really do see me as that fat, unlovable, unworthy, disgusting person. In some ways, I have become that person.
And it's not true. But I am letting this sin take over my life and control every aspect of it to one degree or another. And yes, I will say it, I will shout it, being fat, being obese is a SIN!!!
It is. And I have allowed it to have control. The root of it may be somewhere else, but the end result is the same. And it's wrong. I know it is. And I hate it! I want it to change.

The root of it all is tied up in my feelings of self-worth. I wish it weren't, but it is. I have never felt good enough. I know that it goes back to my parents getting divorced when I was very young. I don't even remember them being together. But it isn't their fault. That's just something that happened. I allowed Satan to tell me that if I was good enough, if I had been a better daughter, that my parents would have stayed married.
Instead, I allowed him the freedom to convince me that I was not worth much.
I was terrified of doing anything, any little thing at all that might call attention to me. I tried to blend in to the background. I remember my step-mother forcing me, literally forcing me to go up to the cashier at a fast food restaurant to ask for ketchup. I was too terrified, at 6 years old, to talk to people and ask for something that they would be glad to give me.
I was horrified if I got into trouble at school. I wanted to be the good girl, the nice girl, the one that no one worried about. The one that no one noticed much.
Then puberty hit and I got curves. And suddenly boys noticed me. And my brothers started calling me fat. And I started hiding behind my clothes. They were baggy. And loose. And then a pound of two here and there weren't noticeable. By the time I graduated from high school, I wasn't exactly fat, but I wasn't skinny. And I still mostly managed to stay unnoticed. People knew me, but no one could remember exactly how they knew me.
Around this point, my parents would mention here and there that maybe I needed to go on a diet. My step-dad once said that if I ever lost enough weight to look good in a bikini, he'd take me on a cruise.

Then the weight started creeping on me faster. And when I was 22, still single, still never having had a real boyfriend, getting a bit more than chubby, still painfully shy and awkward, I moved across the state with a friend. She worked nights and I worked days. And I sat in our apartment watching TV and eating. And eating. And eating. Before I knew it, I was 250 pounds.
I was miserable. I went to a doctor for migraines. He said I was depressed. I said it wasn't possible. And then he said it was all because I was fat. If I'd lose weight, it would all be better.
I listened. I let him put me on a diet that consisted of 500 calories a day. Guess what? I lost weight!! I knocked my metabolism completely off track, but that's a whole 'nother story.
I met Hub. We started dating. And going out to eat. And the weight crept back in. Eventually, Hub and I got married. I weighed 260 pounds. We were married a few years and I weighed 285 pounds. We started trying to have a baby. I made the mistake of telling my mother-in-law that I needed to lose weight to get my periods back on track. Not long after, my father-in-law sat me and Hub down and told us that I had to go on a diet. He said enough was enough, I had been fat long enough, now I needed to lose weight.
I wanted to knock my father-in-law out.

But all I could do was cry. And cry. And cry.

And then I got pregnant. I ate healthier during those 9 months than I had in years. And when I left the hospital after Dino was born, I weighed 17 pounds less than I had the day of my first doctor's appointment.
But by the time I got pregnant with Frog a year later, I weighed the exact same thing as I had when I first got pregnant with Dino. This time, I gained a bit more weight, and didn't lose as much. But then, I just started gaining more and more. I had a miscarriage when Frog was 17 months old, and I gained about 15 pounds in a short time. That's when I firmly stayed over 300 pounds.
When I got pregnant with Monkey, I didn't even look when I got weighed at the doctor's office. I knew how much I gained and lost. By the time I was 33 weeks pregnant, I was at even, but then I gained 20 pounds in two weeks. That was from pregnancy issues. And then Monkey was born, and I never seemed to lose too much after that. I hovered around 325 since he was born. A few pounds here and there but nothing ever stuck. And in the last year, I don't really know what happened. I can't be that much over 330 because my clothes still fit.

I think mentally I just gave up. What does it really matter?
But I hurt. Physically my knees ache, my ankles ache, all my joints ache. I have a hard time getting up and down off the floor, where the boys love to play. I have breathing problems at night. That just started when Monkey was born. I know I would qualify for a CPAP if I tried. I can't run. I get out of breath walking up stairs. I'm miserable.

But mentally, it's probably worse. I feel like dirt, like crap, like the most unworthy, unlovable, worthless human being ever.
And I know, in my head, that it's not true. I know that God loves me. He wants for me to be healthy. He wants for me to not have to feel the mental and physical pain of all this weight. And yes, He wants for me not to be in the sin of overeating. He wants me to treat the body He gave me right.

I prayed once for Him to just take away my desire for food. To just make it so that the only food that tasted good to me was healthy food. That still, small voice told me that I had to do what God wanted and then He would answer my prayer. I had to read my Bible every day and keep praying and get closer to Him.
And I never did it. Never.
Such a simple thing and I couldn't do it.

So, since January 1, I have read my Bible every single day. I have (over the years) gotten closer to Him. I am closer to Him than I have ever been in my life, but I still can't seem to give Him control of this.
I can't let go.

Yesterday, I had to go shopping. I have run out of pants. One pair had the zipper bust, so I was left with one pair of grungy jeans, and one pair of nice jeans and one pair of dress pants. I have some pajama pants, but nothing else. And it's summer, and I have only one pair of lightweight summer pants, too.
So, off to the store I went. And the first place, I tried on 6 pair of pants that are the same size as the ones I am presently wearing but not one fit. Not even remotely fit. Didn't fit as in, couldn't even get them up to my butt. Then, store number two, where I bought the nice pair of jeans I have only 6 months ago. The jeans still fit very well. And there were some of the exact same jeans, same style, same brand, same size. And they did not fit!!! I even tried on some a couple sizes bigger, a couple sizes bigger and they still did not fit. Nothing fit. Not a single pair of pants that should have fit. Sizes that I should be able to wear.

And I lost it. I almost broke down in the store crying. But I didn't. And then I knew. It may sound stupid, and I may be way off base. But I believe that God had a hand in it. I believe that pants that were the exact same brand, style and size, pants that should have fit didn't fit because God had had enough of me. He was taking me out to the woodshed and whacking me upside the head.
Enough is enough!
This is to be the turning point. No more. He is not going to allow me to do this anymore. I have to give Him the control of this part of my life, too. I cannot continue in this sin. I cannot keep doing this to my body. I cannot allow myself to keep feeling this way.
I am broken. I feel as if I can't move. This is the end of the line. Things either change or that's it.
And I want it to change.

This post is part of it. I think I finally know what I need to do as part of this blog. I have a friend who has given me the courage to share, because she wondrously opened herself up and has allowed me to see into her heart and her journey and struggle with an eating disorder. If she has the courage, so do I.
I must relinquish control over this to God. I must allow Him to have this part of my life as well.

I am broken. And only God can put the pieces back together.
Will you help? Will you help me get through this and help me give the control to Him? Pray for me. Encourage me in any way that He leads you to. Just listen to me ramble on and on like I am wont to do. Please. I can't do it alone. I mean, I could, with only God's help, but I would rather you came along and helped me, too.
Help me mend my broken heart and body.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A lot...

I'm in a writing mood tonight but I have no idea what I want to say. And this is why I will never be one of the "professional" bloggers. This post has will have no meaning, no flow; there will be no purpose, there will be no topic.
See? I've already written 52 words and said nothing. Fun times!

So, now I've wound it up back here and finally have to actually say something. Ha!
What I now want to talk about is how much is too much? How much are you willing to disclose on your blog? Would you talk about things that you don't tell your closest friends? Would you let it all hang out?
And then, if you did, would you be upset if people then used it against you?

Just mulling some thoughts around. I've been reading MckMama's blog for almost 2 years now. At first, I was just a reader and I really enjoyed it. Then I became a member of her BlogFrog and I don't enjoy it like I used to.
Now, please don't get me wrong. I am going to explain exactly what I mean here. Because of the BF, I found that there are many people who don't like MckMama. Lots, and lots of people who don't like her. And that's okay; there's probably lots and lots of people who don't like me.
But some of these people decided to make blogs of their own to get together and discuss how much they didn't like MckMama. And they dislike her, a lot.
And I have to admit, I read, I read a lot. And there were some things that made me scratch my head. I did learn about some personal things about MckMama that I am sure she didn't want me (and so many others) learning about.
And I felt strange. I wanted to go back in time, to unlearn those things. It started to make me look at her differently. But then I went back to her blog and re-read some posts. And found that if I let go of what the others said about her, and just concentrated on what she said about herself, it was better.
I could enjoy the blog more if I wasn't trying to dissect every single little thing she said. And if you dissect it all, I'm sure there will be inconsistencies. Heck, there are probably some here, on my blog, my blog of less than 100 posts. Because, wait for it, get this, I'm human. I am flawed; I make mistakes. Try as I might, I am not perfect.

And neither is MckMama. And while I have, unfortunately, gone back to some of "those" sites and read some of "that" stuff, I still like her. And I still think she is just one woman, one flawed woman, one flawed Christian mama, trying to make her way in this world the best way she knows how. And for her, for this moment in time, she is doing so in a big way and actually making money, a lot of money, doing so. Why should I begrudge her that? Why should I try to pick out tiny things here and there that bug me about her? There are things about my best friends that bug me from time to time. Why should I expect that some woman on the internet is expected to be perfect?

Here's the thing, I don't. I'm not looking for perfection in the blogs I read. I'm not looking for gloss and shimmer. I'm looking for things that will lift me up, strengthen me, and sometimes entertain me. I find that at MckMama. And if some don't, hey, that's fine. Eh, to each their own. I do wish that others would use that mentality more often and exercise a bit more of the Golden Rule.

I would never treat someone the way I have seen some of the women who dislike MckMama treat her. It's really horrible. And I get that some of them are trying to show that she isn't who they think she is claiming to be. But really, I gotta tell you, I don't think there is ever, and I mean ever, a reason to hound someone like some people have hounded MckMama. I understand the whole "celebrity" thing, and I do think that if you are putting yourself out there in such a public way you should expect some naysayers. But c'mon, some of it is downright mean. And I do not support mean for meanness sake.

For the record, I have been known to click on her site multiple times a day when I read some of the horrible things I read about her. Makes me feel better. Heh.

And if it is found that she has been untruthful, if she has been stringing people along and making all kinds of things up; if she does end up being outed as a fraud, well, lesson learned. I'll have to stop reading blogs for entertainment I guess. Because, you know, everything you read is real, every single time. Did you hear the one about global warming?

Seriously, if something comes up and it turns out that she isn't who she says she is, well, I guess my life will move on just like it always has. There is nothing she has or will do that will in any way affect me personally. Ever. I am much more secure in who I am than to let something I read on the internet change my life to such a degree that to find out it wasn't true would be damaging.

Oh man! I love to write. Even have a rambling, babbling post like this. Sometimes just typing things out feels so refreshing, so liberating. I just like to write sometimes. Even when what I write isn't all that earth shattering.
Ah, I feel better. Now, off to sleep!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Voddie again!

Okay, I'm just going to come out an say it, I'm hooked. Voddie Baucham is da man! I seriously want to buy and read/watch/listen to anything he has done. Obviously, my last post mentioned him, and now, I gotta tell you something else about him.
I watched a video of a talk he gave titled "Why I Choose to Believe the Bible". Oh my gosh!! I wish I could memorize it! I freeze up so often when talking to people face to face and even online. But the points he laid out in this were so right on and I wish I could recall them at will. I did take really good notes and I have a lot of the info down so I can study it and use it to help me.
The main point of the talk was that we as Christians too often can't answer that question and we ultimately do more harm than good. So Mr. Baucham outlined the right way to answer. He sums it up like this: "The Bible is a reliable collection of historical documents written by eyewitnesses during the lifetime of other eyewitnesses. They report supernatural events that took place in fulfillment of specific prophecies and they claim that their writings are Divine, rather than human, in origin." This is based on 2 Peter 1:16-21
Again, I could quote the whole thing but I won't. It is worth a read/listen whatever. You can download it to an mp3 player here.  You can listen to it here.  And that's just a couple I googled just now.

One more quick thing. I found a site that you can test your worldview. I found it to be very interesting. I have been wanting to know where I would stand in my worldview. I think had I taken the test just a few years ago, I wouldn't have been pleased with the results. But now, I'm closer to where I want to be; I'm closer to God.