Saturday, March 27, 2010

Beauty

Beauty. I've been thinking about that word a lot this week. Sami, over at Sailor & Company brought it to my mind. She's having a contest to find a picture that best shows what is beautiful. I thought about entering, but I couldn't do it. Mainly because God told me right away what to take a picture of, and I thought that He must be out of His mind. He said I should take a picture of myself. Ha!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yep. I've heard that a lot. But is it true?
I guess it depends on what you view as beauty. Merriam-Webster defines it as: the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit : loveliness.
So, I guess that means that anything can be beautiful. If someone derives pleasure from it, it's beautiful. Huh. I guess I solved my problems without having to type as much as I thought I would.
I came here tonight to blog about whether or not I was beautiful. But after getting the definition, I guess I am. Hub derives pleasure from me; the kiddos would say that I (sometimes) bring them pleasure; I actually have friends who would probably agree.
So, that settles it; I'm beautiful. Again I say Ha!

Ah, sounds so simple, no? Just snap my fingers and believe that I am beautiful.
And, not so much. I can't do it. I cannot look at myself, live in my head, and believe that I am beautiful. I can't. Especially these days, now that I have taken off my blinders and can admit that I am fat. How can a fat person be beautiful? It just doesn't seem possible to me.
But, we just looked at the definition of beauty. So, something I don't think is beautiful might be to someone else. And then, that would make it beautiful, right?

We just got some fun creepy crawlies in the mail for school.


Here we have praying mantis egg cases:


What the praying mantises will eat when they hatch:


Some caterpillars:



Some ladybugs:





So, what do you think? Did you see anything beautiful? I did. I saw several of God's creatures. And each of them is beautiful in its own way. Any one of those pictures could have been used over at Sami's but still not what I was thinking about.

I know God was speaking to me in that still, small voice. I know that I am supposed to believe that I am beautiful. But it's so hard. I argued with myself all week. I am not beautiful. There is nothing about me that is beautiful. But God told me to take a picture of myself and show that as beauty. Again, is He crazy? I mean, really? Me? I'm fat. I think He got the memo. He watched me eat myself into this position. He listened as I cried and whined and yet still ate food that wasn't good for me. And sat on my bottom instead of getting out and moving my body. He knew that each step I took toward a less healthy me meant that I was taking one step further away from the path He wanted me on.
I have done some really bad things to my body. So how can He say that it's beautiful?

1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
Humph. Well. I guess that puts a different spin on things. God is looking at my heart. He thinks I'm beautiful.
Who am I to disagree with the creator of the universe? If the Living God says that I'm beautiful, well, then, I'm beautiful.
So, I'm going to post the picture I took. It's not a good quality picture. I took it in the bathroom because I didn't want anyone in the house to know what I was doing. And I can pick out every single imperfection. But I am trying to look past those and look to the heart.
I haven't succeeded yet, but I won't stop looking. And I won't stop thanking God. Without Him, I am nothing. With Him, I am Beauty.

6 comments:

Michelle said...

You know, I thought you were beautiful before I had ever seen a picture of you, and I think you are beautiful today. Your heart is precious to me, and your friendship is a gift straight from the Lord, for which I am grateful beyond words.

You most certainly are beautiful, and are a woman after His own heart.

Shayna said...

I think the word "beautiful" is like the word "normal" --- it sounds like it should have an absolute definition, but instead everyone defines it differently - usually in a way that leaves him/her lacking. I had a fat epiphany last year, that I was fat, and I was tired of yo-yo dieting... when I stopped dieting, started eating food I liked, and liking me, I started to lose weight (75 pounds)... I think the best thing is to turn off the voices of the TV, well meaning friends and relatives, and focus on what makes you happy... because then you won't need to eat to feel better - also, side note, try to eat what you really want, enjoy it, don't hat yourself for eating it, and you'll be so much more satisfied than eating the lite/diet versions, and you won't want to snack on other stuff that isn't satisfying...

Lisa said...

What a brave post! Thanks for sharing so honestly. I struggle with this too and the reminders from the Word were a great encouragement! Keep reminding yourself that He has made you BEAUTIFUL!

Rachel said...

Beautiful post!Thank you for being real and vulnerable. I am grateful.

Blessings to you!

Natalieh said...

You are beautiful. Truly! Now I know why Abba led me to your blog. :)

Michelle (She Looketh Well) said...

Thank you for your raw honesty! It convicts and confirms what the Lord has been trying to get through to me. Even now, I struggle to type it . . .I am beautiful!! So hard, so contrary to what I have believed for years, actually, forever, I think.

I am learning this is part of my health issue, not accepting and loving myself. Thank you, so brave and so honest and so true.