Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Seeing things through the right eyes

I've been feeling a bit down about my life.

Wait, no, that's not quite right. I've been feeling down that there are people who think I am a whack-a-doo when I don't think I am. Or am I? Or at least, I've been wondering if maybe I'm missing something and I really am a whack-a-doo.

I spend too much time online. I also care too much what other people think about me.
Case in point:
I get worked up when I read about people who aren't Christian and think I'm doing it all wrong. Well, not so much they think I'm doing it all wrong, but primarily that they disagree with homeschooling and the Bible. It bothers me, even though I know it shouldn't, that people think that I am stupid. I read a lot of stuff online and I see places where people get together and bash Christians. Not all Christians, but ones like me. Ones that believe in a literal Bible; ones that teach their children to believe it, too; ones that believe that God created the world in 6 literal days; ones that believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven; ones that believe that people who don't believe that Jesus was God's only son will go to hell; ones that believe that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin; ones that believe, okay, I could go on and on, but I've made my point. Often the people talking will talk about how fundies (as they call Christians like me) are stupid, repressed, deluded, brainless, etc. The thoughts that we have no intelligence because we believe in creationism is what really sends me over the edge.

Logically, I know it doesn't matter at all what they think, but unfortunately, my heart hurts when I read it. And again, logic would say just don't read it. But it's like a sickness and I just can't stay away.

It got so bad recently that I started thinking maybe there was something I was missing. Maybe....

You know, sometimes the world feels good and right. I want to believe what I hear. I want to say it's okay for people to love who they want to love and live how they want to live. I mean, it breaks my heart when I hear about how people are discriminated against because they are gay, or black, or Muslim, or Arab, or, or, or whatever. And I agree that discrimination is wrong. And even worse when it turns to violence. It makes me so very sad. And I want to protect everyone.

It sounds right to say that we shouldn't say it's wrong to love someone just because they happen to be the same sex as you. It feels right to say that we should love everyone and welcome them and take care of them no matter what. (and we should do that part)

So I felt like maybe I was missing something, maybe God wanted for me to be open and accepting and not teach my kids that the Bible is the be all end all. That maybe being good and kind and loving is enough. And I wondered why they saw it differently than I did. How did they not see it my way if indeed my way is the right way, the true way, God's way? (not that I always get it 100% right)

Then God showed up. In a big way. I was reading in Corinthians and the Spirit started glowing all over the place. Listen to this: "But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.... but the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can they know them, because they are spiritually discerned.... But we (*the believer) have the mind of Christ."  taken from 1 Corinthians 2:10-16  (*added by me)

So what this says to me is that they don't understand, they don't get it because they don't have the Holy Spirit. So how would they be able to understand where I'm coming from? They can't. So they will never understand it, never think I'm right, unless they become a believer, unless they allow themselves to become open to the Spirit.
And so I'm not doing it wrong. Well, I'm sure there are some things I'm doing wrong, but because I am looking at God, and trying to live the way He wants me to, He will take care of the things I'm doing wrong in the right way and time.
So somehow, I have got to let go of the concern about the rest of the world. I need to remember that it is only God I need to be pleasing. And if I am pleasing Him, the rest won't matter.
And one of the ways to keep pleasing Him is to keep reading the Bible every day. When I do, I find that it's easier to remember that it's Him I should be concerned about, it's His ways that I should be striving towards, it's His approval I should be seeking.

I'm going to keep making this mistake. I know that it's something that still has a grip on me. But I know where to look for help. And I know He won't ever let me down.

**I just remembered that I wrote a post very similar to this only 3 weeks ago. H'uh. Still haven't learned this lesson yet it seems. I keep talking a big talk but I keep falling right back into the same place. I hope, I pray that this time things will be better. It's pretty sad that it took less than 3 weeks for me to forget that I wasn't going to worry about what the world thinks about me. But, the one thing I hope I learned this time was to keep in the Bible. I had gotten out of my daily routine of reading every day. In fact, I had slipped into reading only once a week. Maybe this time, keeping the word in my daily life will be just what I need to learn this lesson. This is a lesson I will learn eventually. I will get there. I will. But only because I have God.**

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